Ten Holidays That Deserve Their Own Slasher Flick
Posted by Kevin Carr (kevin@filmschoolrejects.com) on April 10, 2008
There is no more creativity in Hollywood any more, is there? At least not in the slasher film market. They haven’t just remade the classics (e.g. the dreadful Halloween remake and the upcoming Friday the 13th remake). They’re remaking the crap too, like the direct-to-DVD April Fool’s Day and this week’s Prom Night.
Seriously, it’s not that hard to churn out a new idea. I’m so tired of crappy remakes of originally crappy films that I’m giving a present to all those producers in Hollywood. So many films have been made that capitalize on either holidays or special events, it’s tempting to believe they’ve all been taken. And when they haven’t been made into a horror movie, they’ve already been made into something else (like Independence Day or Groundhog Day).
So, Hollywood, my present to you. A list of log lines for potential slasher movies based on either holidays other notable dates important to high school kids.
Arbor Day: A psycho with a chainsaw slaughters a bunch of high school kids and cooks them into pizza at the local parlor. [Note: This is the only one that really isn’t my idea. I read this in the December 1981 issue of MAD Magazine (#227), and it’s still funny today. I’m actually surprised they actually haven’t made this movie yet.]
Earth Day: During a drug-induced peace rally in the woods, a delusional Terra-rist starts to spike people instead of trees.
Mazel Tov: A mad moyel start a rampage of killings via circumcision at bar mitzvahs.
Saint Patty’s Day: Warwick Davis revives his classic role as the Leprechaun to fight a slasher who is killing people with potatoes and whiskey.
Sweetest Day: A former Hallmark store employee who recently breaks up with his girlfriend goes berserk and kills anyone buying a card that’s not for a real holiday.
Senior Skip Day: A mysterious killer is slashing his way through the class of 2009, but no one knows because they are all skipping class.
President’s Day: A psychopath thinks he’s George Washington and starts to chop people down like cherry trees… and he confesses to the cops via cryptic Zodiac notes, each letter starting with the line, “I cannot tell a lie.”
Flag Day: A patriotic vet loses touch when he’s denied his pension, so he starts to kill people by wrapping them up and suffocating them in the American flag.
Black History Month: Snoop Dogg plays a former cop who must stop a killer from committing a random murder on each of the 28 days of February. Chris Rock as his SNL character Nat X plays the police chief who says, “The Man made Black History Month last only 28 days, and that will save two or three lives this month.”
Columbus Day: A crazy killer is dressed up in a fabulous Spanish 15th century explorer costume, killing people by stealing their land and infecting them with smallpox.
Read more articles by Kevin Carr
