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Prom Night Unrated is one of those jerkoff “unrated” films that gets to call itself unrated just because it was not resubmitted for ratings. There is a grand total of, I believe, one minute of added footage which adds exactly zero amount of blood or scares. You may be on the verge of guessing already, but I did not enjoy this film.

This in-name-only rehash of the 1980 Jamie Lee Curtis vehicle abandons most of the plot and just has some mildly psychotic teacher who is not menacing or interesting fall in crazy-love with a student, the kind of crazy-love that leads to killing her family. The bad guy is played by Johnathon Schaech who was awesome in That Thing You Do! but has since failed to be in anything interesting. The vixen is the cute, but not hot enough to drive someone insane, Brittany Snow.

Kills

This should be called “dead bodies” this week. We see 12 dead bodies. Some of them are dead when we get there and a few are killed sort of on screen. There are maybe three on-screen kills, perhaps four or five. See, I’m having trouble remembering despite having taken notes and just finished, because all the kills are the same.

Ills

Stabbings. Stabbings. Stabbings. Offscreen stabbings. Strangulation. Gunshots. That’s all we get. The stabbing murders are all basically the same shot and the same acting and the same editing. Talk about unoriginal. Schaech probably thought he was doing 9 different takes, but nope, he just filmed 4 different scences. There is very little blood, almost no gore. Real light weight.

Lust

Some cute “teenage” girls. In prom dresses. That is all.

Learning

Hm. I don’t know. Don’t live in this town, because the police are inept. Get better locks on your doors. When some asshat looks like deranged mental psychopath, he probably is. Stear clear.

Review

What more can I say that I haven’t already? This was a thriller with no thrills, a horror with no horrors, and a slasher flick with lame slashing and little blood. Disappointing on all levels. This film shouldn’t exist. It is kind of boring to watch, but it’s not really a terrible film. Just nothing happens. It is technically proficient. Some of the acting is stale, but hey, this is horror. Really what it comes down to is there are no thrills and no chills and no boobs or blood. The movie is lame. I feel completely apathetic towards it. Hm, one positive thing. Let me think. Oh. The soundtrack was pretty kicking. The party scenes seemed right out of any random Teen-Comedy. The horror work, stupid. The killer also carries a knife that looks like it was bought for $12 out of a catalogue or at the weird shop in the mall. Maybe they were trying to make it like Jason’s machete, but really it is an oversized pocket knife.

Stay away from this film unless you’re a 12-15 year old. Then maybe this could scare you and make you look forward to prom. Anyone else will not find value here. Boring film, waste of time.