What is Casting Couch? It’s your Monday look at all of the great work casting agents and PR people did over the weekend to keep those Hollywood gears turning. UPDATED: We dreamed too soon, kids. It seems like Sylvester Stallone is fully committed to his experiment of figuring out how many big name celebrities have to be packed into an Expendables movie before one of them actually becomes interesting. The latest news regarding his quest (found on Stallone’s Facebook page by JoBlo) is that Nicolas Cage has been confirmed for a role in The Expendables 3, and that Harrison Ford, Wesley Snipes, and Mickey Rourke are the names he intends on recruiting next. You keep on trucking there, Mr. Stallone. With the addition of just five or ten more celebrities, The Expendables 3 is bound to be the one that finally gets out of first gear and actually becomes a decent action movie. We have faith!

I gripe a lot about the speed of the internet in transmitting information. It’s almost incorrect to use the word “information,” as I think about it. It’s the spread of thought, maybe. Information should be useful and perhaps true. Thought can be absolutely wrong and still be a thought. From wrongful death notices to outright lies to painful gossip, word spreads across the internet at speeds that boggle the mind. It is this speed, coupled with twenty-four hour news channels and content hungry blogs that creates a massive demand for words, thoughts, or information. Add to that our innate desire to watch others fail, and we’re often faced with a ton of shit we shouldn’t care about. I, for one, have had enough of hearing about celebrities and all the sad shit going on in their lives.

Seeing as The Expendables 2 has yet to hit theaters, it’s hard to imagine that there’s anything concrete yet nailed down for The Expendables 3. That doesn’t mean Sylvester Stallone and his crew don’t have some ideas about what tricks they want to pull out of their sleeves for the eventual trilogy capper though. And, in a chat with Total Film, Expendables producer Avi Lerner found himself spilling the beans about which big name actors that haven’t yet been involved in the franchise they want to sign up for part 3. According to Lerner, “We’ve approached Clint Eastwood to be one of the guys, we’ve got a character in mind for him. We’re talking to Harrison Ford. [And we want] Wesley Snipes when he comes back from prison. I’ll give you one more name, we’ve got Nicolas Cage to play [one of the characters].” Of course, wanting and approaching doesn’t exactly equal having, so these names should be taken with a huge grain of salt. Two of these guys don’t really do much acting anymore, and one is still in prison, so Lerner could be pinning his hopes on long shots.

Being from Cleveland, my knowledge of disappointment with professional sports teams knows no limit. And as Lebron James plans his escape from the Mistake by the Lake, I’m once again reminded of childhood days — being emotionally crushed as my hometown teams took it on the chin year after year. The cinematic representation of this trend was the very funny (and sadly, honest) Major League franchise.

Welcome back to Junkfood Cinema; what you crave. Every week, inexplicably, I revisit Planet Schlock and return to Earth with a few nuggets of awful from the planet surface. I then batter them in unchecked adoration and self-loathing and deep fry them in snark.

Kevin Carr sits his chubbiness down weighs in on Alice in Wonderland and Brooklyn’s Finest.

Having just this morning seen the premiere of Antoine Fuqua’s latest film Brooklyn’s Finest, I can now officially confirm that this is one director that knows what to do to keep me coming back for more.

Don’t call it a comeback for Wesley Snipes and director Abel Ferrara, they’ve been here for years…

This article has absolutely nothing to do with the real Thundercats movie currently set to see theater time in 2010. This is all about a faux production created in the minds of a few fans.

First, it was Steven Seagal. Then it was Wesley Snipes. Now, it’s… Jessica Simpson?