Welcome back to Junkfood Cinema: shame is completely relative. In a world where only good movies get attention, one man decided to take the laws of taste into his own hands. Hi, I’m him. This is the movie column wherein I put a truly schlocky movie on trial only to see it get away with murder. As bad as these films may be, I will defend their greatness with a .44 caliber hand cannon. In an effort to exact vigilante justice against your physique, I will then pair the film with an unlawfully tasty snack food item. Last weekend, as research for an article I was writing, I watched 20 Charles Bronson films over three days. This undertaking, dubbed Bronsothon, not only filled me with renewed vigor for the violent artistry of one Mr. Charles Buchinsky (alias Bronson), but also allowed for the instantaneous sprouting of a lush, full mustache. Some of these films I had seen before and others were first views but one thing that remained consistent throughout was my steadily increasing level of aggression. I found that where I would normally solve small disagreements by engaging in civil dialogue, I suddenly shot five people and blew up a parked car. The worst instances of misplaced aggression came during the Sunday night marathon of all the Death Wish sequels. Today’s snack: Death Wish 2

Sure, picking up a shotgun and mowing down the men who killed your family is easy. Defying the law of gravity is a bit tougher. Here are a few iconic characters and the laws they take (and break) into their own hands.

I loved Edge of Darkness precisely because it was more than I expected.

I braved the wilds of Austin’s Alamo Drafthouse in order to get pummeled Inglorious Basterds and 5 other fantastic, fireball-laden, violently satisfying films that left my blood-lust quenched and me questioning whether or not I’d lost my sanity before or after the marathon began.