After months and months of racking my brain over it, a film project has finally pointed out what was missing from He’s Just Not That Into You and Valentine’s Day: a bunch of women climaxing and the invention of the vibrator. Thankfully, Maggie Gyllenhaal has signed on for just such a romantic comedy project where she’ll play daughter to a doctor (Jonathan Pryce) who helps insane, crazed, hysterical (read: slightly irritated) women of the sexy Victorian age by placing a vibrating massage tool where their Victorian’s Secret should cover. Uncover the details of Hysteria.

Iraq War Veteran Bart comes home in a body bag, but he doesn’t stay in the ground for long. He comes to his best friend Joey for help and they both enter a life of finding human blood so that Bart can avoid decomposing.