This week, Fat Guy Kevin Carr makes big plans to publish a best-selling book that women across the nation will read in hoity-toity book clubs. Step one: Move to the deep south and get raised by an African American maid. While Kevin tries to figure out how to move past that step, he gets a job delivering pizzas and lives in constant fear he’ll be used in a bank heist. Then he cheats death by avoiding the Glee concert movie, but lives in even more constant fear that the flick will hunt him down and make him watch it.

The beauty of the Final Destination franchise is that it’s the same plot over and over again. This isn’t something to be ashamed of – Jason and Freddy all operate within the same plot time and time again. In fact, it’s great that the movies wholeheartedly embrace the repetition. Now if they would only embrace some decent acting. The new teaser for the first installment of Final Destination after we were promised no more installments of Final Destination features some killer eye surgery, a wicked bridge collapse, and the least relaxing acupuncture possible (which still makes it more relaxing than eye surgery). Check it out for yourself:

Final Destination 5, which might be annoyingly titled 5nal Destination (and, no, it didn’t make sense when Se7en did it either), hasn’t even seen theaters, but the future looks bright for a sixth and seventh installment of the franchise. Even though the last movie – The Final Destination – was a massive chore to watch, it still made a disgusting amount of money. Now, according to an interview with Tony Todd (over at Dread Central), if the fifth opens at the number one spot, the production will shoot the next two back to back. Fortunately, we all already know the synopsis for the next three movies: “When a young (man or woman) sees the future and saves his (class/friends/colleagues/internet meet-up group) from dying in an horrific (accident of some sort on a large scale), they think they’ve dodged a bullet. Sadly for them, Death still wants their bodies in the ground and stalks them one by one until they all die in creative ways. Gird your loins. It’s probably going to happen.

The horror film reunion continues and it looks like Candyman wants in, but Tony Todd won’t be showing up?