To Misters Matt Drake and Michael Bacall, I attended a screening of Project X this past week, a film for whose script you two are inescapably responsible, and wanted to congratulate you on crafting one of the single most vile, reprehensible, and culturally detrimental films in recent memory. And I’ve seen Good Burger, twice. Every critic worth his salt, or even his Splenda, knows that when you write a negative review, even one for a movie as heinous as your recent blight on multiplexes around the country, vitriol must be confined to the events unfolding on the screen. In other words, it’s been well-established that personal attacks against a filmmaker are the antithesis of proper criticism. Therefore, despite the fact that, given the events on the screen, your tenuous grasp on propriety and overall morality is reminiscent of that dastardly Manson family, I shall nevertheless do my very best to restrain myself and tear down your festering dung heap of a film based on its own absent virtues.