Sexy Japanese nurses! Bloody revenge! Teens with lascivious split personalities! An overdue library book lost in the apocalypse! More bloody revenge! Not MacGruber! Jews and Aussies! Rip Torn’s poop-covered buttocks! And a romantic comedy from the director of Daredevil!

Does penis violence make you queasy? And I don’t mean violence committed by penises, but violence committed against them. Punches, drill bits spinning Candiru-style up the urethra, or tri-hooked fishing lures pierced through a guy’s dongle then yanked… if so, then you just may want to skip the new Australian film, The Horseman.

Between our own scouring of the schedule and the countless emails from publicists, producers and directors, we are confident that we’ve got a handle on which films you should absolutely see at all costs should you be coming here to Austin this weekend. So here’s a list of the must sees, from us to you.

Continuing on with our advanced coverage of this year’s South by Southwest (SXSW) Film Festival, I would like to take a moment to spread some blood on your Friday afternoon.

We’ll have reviews on these and other films from SXSW when FSR invades Austin March13th through the 21st!