With its tropical setting, make out sessions under waterfalls, and questionably ethical male lead, Twilight: Breaking Dawn (Part 1 of a 2 Part Series) might very well be the Cocktail of our generation. They’re basically the same movie except for the vampire fetus that will eventually fist-pump its way into existence. This trailer gives a sense of the scope of the film, the scope of the vampire-on-human sex, and the scope of the lavish wedding that makes all of that intercourse legitimate. Watch for yourself and try to explain the music choices:

Hollywood turned in its assignments early this week with releases on Wednesday and Thursday. Now Fat Guy Kevin Carr hands out his grades for the latest installment of The Twilight Saga and the big screen adaptation of Avatar: The Last Airbender.

Squeeeeee! Kevin and Neil run around the Magical Studio in the Sky without their shirts on, desperately trying to shape-shift into a werewolf so they too can be worthy of sickly-looking Bella Swan’s fickle infatuation… yet they still have a better time than they did when they saw The Last Airbender.

This movie was so close to being fantastic that it’s even more frustrating just how cringe-worthily awful it is.

Want to know how to fit in with the Twilight crowd? Then go somewhere else! No just kidding, don’t go anywhere else. But I’m still not telling you how to fit in with Twilighters.