Hasbro saw dollar signs after Transformers, and they’ve gotten greedy. It’s one thing to take toy robots and convert them into movie stars, but projects like Monopoly and Ouija Board sounded too ridiculous (and non-cinematic) to make the transition. First, Universal backed out of a new Clue, then the Ouija Board movie, then Monopoly and now they’re getting out of another project born from their toymaker partnership. According to Deadline Deltino, Stretch Armstrong is dead at Universal. The project, like the flour-filled rubber toy, would have starred Taylor Lautner with Rob Letterman set to direct. Speculating on the reasons is futile and a waste of the time we could all spend celebrating. Universal may be regretting that major Hasbro deal now, but they’re wising up to the shifting needs of an audience that wants story and not plastic. The project isn’t completely done, though. It’s found a home over at Relativity Media – which is sort of sad considering the risk-taking that studio has done in the past few years. This, of course, is a risk of a different kind. It’s a formula that only appears to work these days. It’s a project that has all the elements for success, but doesn’t pass the smell test in the first place. The new press release from Relativity also doesn’t include anything about Lautner or Letterman. Looks like they’re officially done with Stretch as well. If only everyone were. Hopefully this doesn’t hurt the chances of a Happy Fun Ball movie. That [Due to Content Scraping and Theft, we have been forced to try abbreviated feeds. We apologize for any inconvenience this may cause and woud very much appreciate you clicking through to view the full article on FilmSchoolRejects.com]

When I purchased my ticket for the Thursday night midnight show of Twilight: Breaking Dawn – Part 1, I had no idea what I was in for; not because I hadn’t seen any of the previous Twilight films – I have, in fact, seen them all – but because I had never seen a Twilight film in a theater before, much less on opening night. The Twilight subculture befuddles me, as I’m sure it does any non-initiate of the series. Having seen all the films, I still feel like I’m viewing them from afar, like it’s some strange anthropological project of a phenomenon whose worth and value I will never fully understand. Twilight seems to encapsulate the drastic changes that have taken place in big-budget event filmmaking in the last thirty years. Rather than a film made with the intent of mass appeal (like franchises ranging from Indiana Jones to Jason Bourne), the Twilight films play almost exclusively to a specific – but dedicated – demographic. Of course, one could make this argument about many film franchises. Everything from Star Trek to The Dark Knight certainly have rabid fanbases at their core, but the audiences for these films seem to be “filled in” with a significant amount of casual fans. For example, I once viewed the Harry Potter films similarly to the way I now approach Twilight – not in terms of filmmaking quality, mind you, but in terms of being a cult phenomenon surrounding a fictional narrative that I [Due to Content Scraping and Theft, we have been forced to try abbreviated feeds. We apologize for any inconvenience this may cause and woud very much appreciate you clicking through to view the full article on FilmSchoolRejects.com]

This week, Fat Guy Kevin Carr dresses up in layers and layers of rain gear to brave the estrogen storm that comes with the showing of The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part I. After enduring that non-masterpiece, he dances down a few screening rooms to watch the new Happy Feet movie. Confounded by the gelatinous goop that masquerades as movies this weekend in American cinema, Kevin eventually curls up in a ball and softly weeps.

As the “worldwide phenomenon” that is The Twilight Saga of films (adapted from Stephenie Meyer‘s equally as popular and blockbuster-selling quartet of novels) has progressed through the years, it has become increasingly difficult for those not already inoculated into the cult of human-vampire-werewolf love triangles to process, enjoy, and understand just exactly what they’re seeing on screen. Which is a nice way of saying that the tale of Bella Swan, Edward Cullen, Jacob Black, and a whole mess of other humans and mythological creatures has spiraled almost totally and nonsensically out of control. Following their star-crossed high school courtship, unsteady human Bella (Kristen Stewart) and her smoothie vampire suitor (Robert Pattinson) have decided to take things to the next level. For most eighteen-year-olds (or ostensible eighteen-year-olds with Edward’s immortal appearance), that would mean getting down in the carnal sense – but for Edward and Bella, that means getting married (his choice) so that Bella can finally be turned to match her lover and his family (her choice). These are certainly big decisions for a girl who is barely an adult, but they’re made immeasurably more difficult by a hairy problem – teen werewolf Jacob Black (Taylor Lautner), who is just as in love with Bella as Edward is. That’s The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1 in a straight-faced nutshell. Yet, even fans of the series must admit that the final entry into Meyer’s series is absolutely crammed with elements that, at their best, could be described as bizarre. [Due to Content Scraping and Theft, we have been forced to try abbreviated feeds. We apologize for any inconvenience this may cause and woud very much appreciate you clicking through to view the full article on FilmSchoolRejects.com]

People best know Taylor Lautner for running around in jean shorts with no shirt on as the werewolf in the Twilight series, but that’s not all the actor has to offer. It turns out cutoffs and glistening abs aren’t what defines him, he contains multitudes. In order to branch out a bit and diversify his portfolio, Lautner is going to produce and star in his next film, which is going to be smaller, and more indie. Lautner and his production company Quick Six have acquired an article that appeared in ‘The New Yorker,” and if that isn’t indie sounding enough for you, he’s hired indie legend Gus Van Sant to come on and direct. Sources say that after the relative failure of his big budget starring vehicle Abduction, Lautner is looking to take his career in a different direction, away from being a big name action star. From this point on he only intends on working on projects that involve the best writers and the best directors. I’d say that getting Van Sant on board is a good start to that goal, so it will be interesting to see who he hires to adapt the “New Yorker” article. Putting together dream projects that you can star in isn’t a luxury that a lot of young actors have, it must be nice to be sitting on all that Twilight money. A lot of people are probably going to view his decision to only work with top people as presumptuous, but I [Due to Content Scraping and Theft, we have been forced to try abbreviated feeds. We apologize for any inconvenience this may cause and woud very much appreciate you clicking through to view the full article on FilmSchoolRejects.com]

This week, Fat Guy Kevin Carr decides he’s going to learn history from Hollywood. After all, why not when three out of the four major releases are based on or inspired by a true story. He learns about the true history of baseball with Moneyball (and was sorely disappointed it wasn’t called Monkeyball because a movie about monkeys playing baseball would have been awesome). Then he learns all he needs to know about marine mammals and depressed children in Dolphin Tale. Finally, he faces the cadres of screaming tweenage girls to see Taylor Lautner in ABduction. That’s based on a true story, right?

What is Movie News After Dark? It’s not messing about. Just doin’ the news. We begin tonight with one of many new images from The Adventures of Tintin. For one of those motion capture, lost in the shadow of the uncanny valley movies, this looks pretty slick. Finally we get to see Andy Serkis act in a movie. Or not.

According to John Singleton, Abduction was built specifically to show off Taylor Lautner as an action star, to groom him as the next generation’s Tom Cruise. That’s no easy task, and the trailer isn’t helping. While most directors might daydream about the financial opportunity to build a franchise, Singleton doesn’t seem so restricted. According to the LA Times, the director is assuring fans that he’ll be working on Abduction 2 no matter what the box office says. Granted, the way it’s asked and answered, it seems more like he can’t conceive of a bad box office showing for the film – he seems cocksure that audiences will award him a second film. No word yet on how Lionsgate feels about it, since he’ll probably need some money to make another movie.

Let’s just be honest here – if you’re into The Twilight Saga, you’re into it. If you’re not into it, well, you’re probably pretty into making fun of it. Luckily for both factions of fanhood, today’s first full-length trailer for the penultimate entry into the massively popular film franchise based on Stephenie Meyer‘s massively popular book series, The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1, delivers everything that anyone could want from it – showcasing some of the film’s most important scenes (you better believe it’s wedding-heavy), alongside some truly boggling facial expressions. It’s, in short, just as vampire batshit crazy as the rest of the franchise has been so far. Maybe even more. Sink your teeth into the first full trailer for The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1 after the break.

There were people camping out for the notoriously crowded Hall H line up to two days before the Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 1 panel kicked off the events in that hallowed space. I hope they had a sense of humor because at least 500 seats remained open throughout the event, and late-comers’ wait time was non-existent. Regardless, the fans were out in full force, screaming at just about everything that moved on the stage. Director Bill Condon set a tone for the discussion (that wouldn’t last long), talking about the joy of joining a story already in progress. “It’s all third act. I started out in horror movies, and in the second act [of Breaking Dawn] it turns into a really cool horror movie.” All talk of horror ended when Kristen Stewart was asked about the wedding scene.

If, even by the smallest, dumbest chance that someone, somewhere in a position of power thought Taylor Lautner might make a great replacement in the Bourne movies, this trailer for Abduction should squash that theory completely. His acting is so non-existent and wooden that 1) he belongs in generic action and 2) he could actually learn a thing or two about emoting from Keanu Reeves. John Singleton has never been an outstanding director. He creates middling faux-drama, featuring laughably intense heroes, and there was no reason to break the streak with this one. Check out the trailer for yourself:

What is Movie News After Dark? This is a question that I am almost never asked, but I will answer it for you anyway. Movie News After Dark is FSR’s newest late-night secretion, a column dedicated to all of the news stories that slip past our daytime editorial staff and make it into my curiously chubby RSS ‘flagged’ box. It will (but is not guaranteed to) include relevant movie news, links to insightful commentary and other film-related shenanigans. I may also throw in a link to something TV-related here or there. It will also serve as my place of record for being both charming and sharp-witted, but most likely I will be neither of the two. I write this stuff late at night, what do you expect?

What is Movie News After Dark? This is a question that I am almost never asked, but I will answer it for you anyway. Movie News After Dark is FSR’s newest late-night secretion, a column dedicated to all of the news stories that slip past our daytime editorial staff and make it into my curiously chubby RSS ‘flagged’ box. It will (but is not guaranteed to) include relevant movie news, links to insightful commentary and other film-related shenanigans. I may also throw in a link to something TV-related here or there. It will also serve as my place of record for being both charming and sharp-witted, but most likely I will be neither of the two. I write this stuff late at night, what do you expect?

What is Movie News After Dark? This is a question that I am almost never asked, but I will answer it for you anyway. Movie News After Dark is FSR’s newest late-night secretion, a column dedicated to all of the news stories that slip past our daytime editorial staff and make it into my curiously chubby RSS ‘flagged’ box. It will (but is not guaranteed to) include relevant movie news, links to insightful commentary and other film-related shenanigans. I may also throw in a link to something TV-related here or there. It will also serve as my place of record for being both charming and sharp-witted, but most likely I will be neither of the two. I write this shit late at night, what do you expect?

Summit Entertainment may not know this, but the world is supposed to end in the fall of 2012. This is why studios such as Paramount, Warner Bros. and others are unleashing a slew of films that summer — titles like The Avengers, Star Trek 2 and Christopher Nolan’s sequel to The Dark Knight. Fans will need to see these films before Roland Emmerich’s wet dream finally wipes humanity off the map. Even so, Summit is hedging its bets on the Mayans being wrong, scheduling The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 2 for a November 16, 2012 release. The Bill Condon directed film will be “the astonishing conclusion to the series illuminates the secrets and mysteries of this spellbinding romantic epic that has entranced millions.” Perhaps we’ve all been wrong all along about the apocalypse. Perhaps Twihards are the chosen ones… and their reward for surviving the fall of man will be the final Twilight film. Don’t laugh; it could happen.

Hollywood turned in its assignments early this week with releases on Wednesday and Thursday. Now Fat Guy Kevin Carr hands out his grades for the latest installment of The Twilight Saga and the big screen adaptation of Avatar: The Last Airbender.

Squeeeeee! Kevin and Neil run around the Magical Studio in the Sky without their shirts on, desperately trying to shape-shift into a werewolf so they too can be worthy of sickly-looking Bella Swan’s fickle infatuation… yet they still have a better time than they did when they saw The Last Airbender.

Eclipse, the third film in the famed Twilight Saga, left not a dry or empty seat in the house last night as it steamrolled its way to the all-time midnight opening record. It also claimed the record for widest release of all time, starting its box office journey in well over 4,400 theaters. By the end of the night it had earned more than $30 million dollars, eclipsing (get it?) the record held by its franchise predecessor, Twilight: New Moon (which earned $26.3 million on its opening night last year).

In this line of work, there often comes a time when the ability to be objective comes in handy. When it feels great to throw away prejudgments and biases and give a movie a chance, no matter how bad its bloodline may be. Such is the case with The Twilight Saga: Eclipse. There’s bad blood in this family — really bad blood — in the form of two films that were poorly constructed and shoddily executed on just about every level. But like any interesting rebellious child, Eclipse breaks the mold at the hands of a craftsman. It becomes something new — something oddly watchable, at times enjoyable and surprisingly unlike what has come before.

This Les Grossman stuff never gets old. This time he — and by he, I mean Tom Cruise’s most hilarious character to date — is giving style tips to Twilight stars Robert Pattinson and Taylor Lautner.