While we’ve all come to expect truly terrible made-for-TV movies with hilariously intuitive titles from the SyFy cable network (ones with names like Aztec Rex, Dinoshark, Flu Bird Horror, Mega Python vs. Gatoroid, Jersey Shore Shark Attack, and Yeti: Curse of the Snow Demon, wonders all), the NBC Universal-owned channel is now interested in lowering their standards (almost unfathomably) even further. Forbes reports (via ComingSoon) that SyFy is now looking to push “into the movie business — and that it may even remake Waterworld, one of the most notorious Hollywood bombs of all time.” Let’s take this time to remind everyone that it is November 27th, not April 1st. This is not a joke. The outlet adds that the network “has been looking for a way into film for years, ever since NBC merged with Vivendi Universal Entertainment in 2004. That marriage provided Syfy — known as Sci Fi Channel until a 2009 brand makeover — with access to Universal Pictures’ vast trove of intellectual property.” Obviously, of all the Universal titles available to SyFy, the one that makes the most sense for them to remake is Waterworld. Clearly. Let’s most definitely use the vast coffers of SyFy, a network known around the world for their top-notch effects work and huge budgets to remake a film that was, at one time, the most expensive movie ever made and one that still reigns as one of the biggest flops in modern movie history. Yes, SyFy, this is the one.

During a panel about the state of the Battlestar Galactica franchise at this year’s WonderCon, Michael Taylor, the co-creator of Blood and Chrome—a Battlestar prequel that you may remember was green-lighted by SyFy back in 2010—screened a trailer for the two-hour pilot. This latest extension of the Battlestar universe revolves around 20-something William Adama, a recent Academy graduate. The images Taylor culled together and presented to the WonderCon audience were exciting—set in space and filled with Viper pilots, the look of it is much more in line with the original (reimagined) series than Caprica—if a bit depressing, since the show’s future is still uncertain. Last anyone heard, SyFy’s enthusiasm for the project was waning and as a result, they were thinking of maybe, possibly, one day breaking the pilot up into pieces and delivering it to us as an online series instead of airing it in its entirety on TV. As much as I’d like to eventually see Blood & Chrome in one form or another, I understand SyFy’s ambivalence. Caprica really did kill the franchise’s momentum.

When you hear that a movie called Camel Spiders is coming out, you can’t help but think “Wait that doesn’t already exist?” Camel Spiders, aka wind scorpions, aka solifuges, made the front page of your nightmares during the Iraq war when images of these seemingly gigantic monstrosities were e-mailed around the world. The arachnids, which are not actually spiders, were rumored to run at speeds surpassing 30 miles per hour, regularly chasing down military Humvees, and said to be capable of leaping great distances, say, from the ground to your face. Their bite was rumored to be fatal and their size seemingly ranged up to two feet. Much of this is wildly inaccurate and stems from a photograph of two solifuges which were stuck to each other and held in the foreground of the photo, making them appear huge. In actuality, this nightmare fuel only measures six inches for the head and body sections, which is five and a half god damn too many inches. Anyway, Jim Wynorski made a movie about these things, and it’s not good.

Sy-Fy‘s Being Human made its second season debut last week, recussetating the nerd tv quotient in my life exponentially. Yes, I watch True Blood, and as you now know all-too-well, if it’s on PBS or BBC America, I’m on board. But there isn’t much I watch that I’m wholeheartedly embarassed to admit to, with the exception of Being Human. Well, FSR readers, I’m coming clean. Yep, I’m a SyFy watcher, and semi-proud. Being Human, for those of you not in the know, is the story of three unlikely roommates, a vampire, a werewolf, and a ghost. I mean, totally believable, right? Of course not, but if you’re looking for believable TV, then stick to the Law and Order franchise. It’s across-the-pond counterpart appealed to me after popping up in my “recommended for you” Netflix queue so often that I finally succumbed, plowing through a couple of discs in a matter of days. So you can imagine my delight when SyFy’s incessant bus shelter/subway stop/public transportation domination campaign alerted me to an American reboot. With Jungle 2 Jungle‘s Mimisiku!

Previously, on Boiling Point… I bitched about Hollywood not releasing enough horror movies in October. This week, I’m taking aim at them for not releasing any monster movies – pretty much ever. I’ve come to ask where all the monsters have gone. Monster movies have a special place in any horror fan’s heart. Whether you’re a fan of giant mutated ants, hybrid beasts, strange aliens, or any crazy old weird thing someone dreamed up that crawled out of a swamp and raped a cheerleader, monsters are awesome. The bigger, badder, and bloodier the better. It seemed for years that even if you weren’t looking for a monster, one would come out of the darkness and tear your face off. Nowadays, you’re hard pressed to get your shit packed in by a mythical beast even if you go defecating on Native American burial grounds.

The SciFi Channel original series Stargate Atlantis has been off the air for two and a half years, but that doesn’t mean it’s forgotten to fans. (And kudos to us for appropriately calling the network SciFi instead of Syfy.) Now, the entire series is available on Blu-ray for the first time in a snazzy box set. There’s twenty discs and 100 episodes, so head down to the corner store to get supplies and stock the ‘fridge because this game could last a while.

When we last left our favorite artifact-collecting government agents, Myka had decided to leave the Warehouse at the risk of putting all her friends in danger and H.G. Wells was taken into custody. The season premiere of Warehouse 13 wastes no time picking up right where the finale left off… well, sort of. We actually join up with Pete, Arty and Claudia a few months after Myka’s departure, and we’re immediately introduced to the man that will become the new member of the team. Steve Jinks has the ability to instantly know if a person is lying or telling the truth. A cheesy move maybe, but perfectly okay in a world where H.G. Wells is a woman and C. C. H. Pounder never ages. The season premiere focuses on Pete dealing with the fact that he has a new partner, and while the dynamic between the two of them is rocky it works. What the writers didn’t do was make Steve a new Myka. Steve is very much his own character and would probably be considered the middle ground of polar opposites Pete and Myka.

How scary is an octopus? Pretty scary if you meet one in the water. How scary are sharks? Really scary, especially if you’ve seen enough of the Jaws films. So a cross between a shark and an octopus – a “sharktopus,” if you will – has got to be terrifying! Well, not really. In fact, it looks rather goofy. But we expect that sort of thing from legendary low-budget producer Roger Corman. The ridiculous sci-fi horror film Sharktopus is now available on DVD and Blu-ray, and the result is an amazing hybrid of shark and octopus, symbolic of the amazing hybrid of Roger Corman and Syfy original movies. Best enjoyed intoxicated, of course.

It’s Christmas at Warehouse 13 and Myka and Pete are all packed and ready to spend the holiday with their families, but when Arty gets an artifact alert in LA everyone’s Christmas plans must be put on hold to investigate a case of Bad Santa. Claudia and Joshua will also take a trip to Pennsylvania to find Arty the perfect Christmas present, but what they find will be worth far more than the money in their wallet. So sit back, find your nearest bag of purple goo, and enjoy the Warehouse 13 Holiday Special.

Myka and Pete wake up in the now collapsing Warehouse 2. They have only minutes to escape before all hell breaks loose. At the same time, Claudia has begun tracking H.G.’s movements through various countries, but not even the all mighty nerd can figure out her true intentions. And things go from bad to worse when the team discovers what it is H.G. has stolen from Warehouse 2 and what she intends to use it for. And her plans involve Pete’s love, Kelly. By the end, Myka will make a choice that will affect the rest of team Warehouse 13 for a long time to come.

When Mrs. Frederic starts speaking a dead language, the team discovers that the remnants of Warehouse 2 have been discovered during an archeological dig in Egypt. Pete, Myka, H.G. and Valda are sent to shut down Warehouse 2 for good before it kills Mrs. Frederic. Pete is also asked to make a choice between the warehouse and the love of his life. And H.G.’s true intentions will finally be revealed. But not before Claudia might have to make the ultimate sacrifice to keep Warehouse 13 alive. And so begins part 1 of the season finale of Warehouse 13.

Beverley Barlowe uses the stolen DED device and the Bridge device (someone needs to come up with better names for these things) to send Dr. Grant back to 1947. Of course things don’t go according to plan and both Grant and Jack are sent back to the past while Allison appears to be fatally wounded in the present. Jack and Grant break time traveler protocol by purposely altering the past in an attempt to save Allison from her tragic fate.

H.G. Wells is now working as a Warehouse agent full time, much to the disdain of Arty. But everyone shuts up for a moment when former agent, Rebecca Sinclair returns to ask for help from the current crew. Upon investigation the team discovers that Myka and Pete went back in time with the help of a time machine invented by H.G. Wells herself. So of course they do as is written, and get their butts to 1961. But that’s only where the fun begins. And so begins another adventure through the halls of Warehouse 13.

It’s a sad day for the crew of Warehouse 13. For Myka and Pete’s former boss at the Secret Service, Daniel Dickinson has been murdered in cold blood, and the team is convinced his death was caused by an artifact. But the trouble only beings with Dickinson’s murder when H.G. Wells pops back up on Arty’s radar. Someone is attempting to use Arty’s past life as a Russian spy against him, and the team just can’t have that. While at the same time, Claudia tries to make sense of Todd’s suspicious behavior, but what she learns may lead her to lose faith in everything she knows and loves.

We join Myka and Pete mid chase to obtain an artifact. Once their mission is complete they set off on their respective “normal” weekends. But things don’t go as planned when the artifact switches their bodies, and now Myka is Pete and Pete is Myka. It’s a race against the clock to get them back into their own bodies before it kills them. But while all this is going on, Claudia is sent on her second field assignment, this time with Arty to figure out why a bunch of wealthy executives suddenly decided to drain all of their personal wealth.

After his melt down, Pete is ordered to take some time away from the field. So Arty decides to send Claudia on her first field assignment with Myka. But things don’t go as planned when H. G. Wells crashes the artifact hunting party. But things aren’t so peachy at the warehouse either. Arty’s appendix has grown back so he calls in the warehouse doctor to get it removed, but Pete becomes very suspicious by the way Arty acts around her. Major developments: H. G. Wells wants to return to the warehouse full time as an agent.

After the recovery of an artifact goes wrong in Illinois, Mrs. Frederick informs Pete that there’s a criminal leak in the warehouse. Now it’s up to Pete and Pete alone to track down the leak. But things go wrong again when he learns the true source of the leak is much worse than he could have ever anticipated. Major developments: As a result of all the recent screw ups, The Regents have decided to take a more hands on approach to Warehouse 13.

The warehouse is in need a desperate computer upgrade. So Mrs. Frederick sends Eureka resident Douglas Fargo to handle it. But things go horribly wrong when the warehouse computer goes into fail safe mode and locks Fargo, Claudia, and Arty in the warehouse for extermination. Now it’s up to Myka and Pete to find the man who built the warehouse computer system before everyone in it dies a very cold death.

After dispatching an evil doer in England, the team is sent to Manhattan to solve a case of rapidly aging (then dying) super models. But things go horribly wrong when Myka becomes the victim. It’s now a race against time as the rest of the team tries to stop the bad guy and save Myka at the same time. And so begins another day in the life of team Warehouse 13

If fans of Battlestar Galactica showed up at Comic-Con this year expecting some Caprica shaking news, they most certainly walked away disappointed. During the panel, storymen Kevin Grazier and Michael Taylor were on hand, along with Composer Bear McCreary, and former-Apollo current-Zarek Richard Hatch served as moderator. When asked about the potential for more movies, the word was that they “weren’t sure how much [they] can say,” but there is an effort to address more stories in a way similar to how The Plan furthered the universal view of all things modern BSG. I’m certain fans can expect more Battlestar movies in the future though, as we were told that “the Universe will continue to give us more adventure in the future.” Also still in the future are new episodes of the SyFy series Caprica, which airs in January, and the November 2010 release of “The Science of Battlestar Galactica.