When The Expendables first came to our attention, we were all psyched. By “our” and “we” I’m referring, of course, to just about every male born before 1990. These were our guys. Our heroes. All of them, together, in one place. Well, almost all of them. There were some notable figures missing, like Jean-Claude Van Damme, Chuck Norris, and Steven Seagal. As internet writers with a boner for lists, we all put together our dream cast for The Expendables 2.  Now that the film has arrived, men and awesome women everywhere were rewarded: Jean-Claude and Chuck Norris were both added to the  cast while Schwarzenegger and Willis both got expanded roles. Our action dreams were coming true! And while the word on The Expendables 2 is mostly positive, that hasn’t stopped the internet from churning out dream casting for the hopefully inevitable third installment. But here at Film School Rejects, we’re a little bit different. Why create another list of pretty cool action stars from the 80s or 90s? Everyone else is already doing that. We’re going the opposite direction, to Asylum Town.

If you asked around “What 1980s action star deserves a comprehensive guide to his films?” you’d probably hear Sylvester Stallone, Jean Claude Van Damme, Chuck Norris, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and possibly even Dolph Lundgren before someone got around to Steven Seagal. We’ll ignore the smart ass who said Michael Dudikoff too. The world, being as unpredictable as it is, had a different view of things and blessed (cursed?) one writer with an unnatural fascination of Steven Seagal. That man is Vern and his study of the ass-kicking films of Steven Seagal, “Seagalogy” has been updated, expanded, and is now fit for your consumption. In addition to telling you about this book, I’m also going to use it to help break down the career path of Steven Seagal in just twelve short films.

Earth Day: the red-headed stepchild of world holidays. Founded in 1970, the celebration of our planet has been mounted (and basically ignored) every April 22nd. When was the last time you paid respects by going outside and planting a seedling? Or left a plate of cookies out for Mother Earth? Yeah, I didn’t think so. Earth Day may not have the allure of its cheerful , laid back holiday counterparts, but it’s certainly no less important. Recognizing environmental concerns is more relevant than ever, and Hollywood has been trying its darndest to prod you in to taking action. Think of it as a  “scared straight” course of action: if you’re afraid of impending environmental doom, maybe you’ll do something. Here are seven movies that a sure to reinvigorate your ecological awareness and get you back on the green track this Earth Day:

Considering the history of early September releases, this was an unusually eventful weekend for movies. The champion of the box-office was a slow-paced, meditative art film disguised as a spy thriller, and its major competition was a grindhouse tribute based on a movie trailer and starring a longtime character actor. On the surface, it seems that Anton Corbijn’s The American and Robert Rodriguez’s Machete couldn’t be any different, but upon closer inspection it becomes clear that these are two stylistically disparate explorations of virtually the same theme; that is, both The American and Machete are about crises in national and cultural identity that occur when one enters another country and becomes an “other” within their culture.

The temptation to refer to Robert Rodriguez’ new film as Brown Dynamite is strong but for two things. One, while Machete fits a similar mold as Scott Sanders’ hilarious riff on blaxploitation films it just isn’t as consistently good as Black Dynamite. For another, the term “brown dynamite” conjures up some unpleasant imagery especially in the context of spicy Mexican food. But enough about intestinal explosions (for now at least)… let’s talk about this tastelessly absurd, cartoonishly violent, and often ridiculously fun movie!

As you may have noticed, we’re still reeling in the aftermath of Comic-Con. And while I’m supremely proud of the work that our team on the ground did in San Diego this year, we did let a few interesting bits slip through the cracks. Like this hot red band trailer for Machete. Robert Rodriguez and co-director Ethan Maniquis have taken what was once nothing more than a pulpy, grungy faux trailer and fleshed it out into a pulpy, grungy, hyper-violent festival of absurdity. It’s beautiful, is it not? The new red band trailer rides hard and fast, putting in requisite time with all of the film’s names — De Niro, Alba, Seagal, Michelle Rodriguez, that pilot from Lost and of course, Danny Trejo. It also delivers the goods — sins of the flesh and sins of the shotgun — in bulk. So if you’re looking for insane violence, gratuitous nudity and the angriest Mexican ever to grace the somewhat silver screen, then I think you might be in luck with Machete. Check out the official synopsis and red band trailer goodness after the jump.

Robert Rodriguez has released a special Cinco De Mayo themed trailer for his upcoming action flick, Machete, and it manages to look all kinds of awesome even with Lindsay Lohan in it…

Robert Rodriguez is moving forward with his long-rumored flick Machete and it looks like may have one-upped sexagenarian stallion Sylvester Stallone’s Expendables in the casting department.

Moments ago I shared with you an exclusive first look at Dolph Lundgren in his upcoming actioner Direct Contact, and now I’m back again with some Steven Seagal action in the high-powered mafia revenge flick Driven to Kill.

How epically bad is Against the Dark? Or is it somehow, miraculously…good? Steven Seagal v. Vampires has us interested, but could it pull through?

In an effort to fully express the rage Robert Fure contains, Boiling Point introduces the “Things That Don’t” subcategory. In the inaugural example – Things That Don’t Stop Bullets.

No, you’re not dreaming. You’re not hallucinating. You’re not drunk. Ok so you’re drunk, but that doesn’t make this any less true or less awesome – Steven Seagal is going to kick vampire ass in Against the Dark.

The odds are Steven Seagal doesn’t actually fall in love with a hot, brooding, highly-moussed vampire in his new movie, Against the Dark, but it would be fun to watch.

The direct-to-DVD market is filled with mid-list action films, and more keep on coming. In the past couple weeks, three films have caught our eye. Let’s look at how they stack up against each other.

If you are like many of the folks around Reject HQ, then you too have a soft spot for anything involving Steven Seagal. As well, you will probably enjoy this clip.

The Onion Movie gives me hope that filmmakers might keep their senses of comedy instead of lowering themselves to humorless references to pop culture figures.

Ever wanted a shirt that just screams badassery from the rooftops?

The multi hyphenated Swede is still kicking… ass, that is.

They may be over the hill, but that doesn’t mean they still wouldn’t have us running and hiding.

I enjoy it when celebrities can make fun of themselves. However, this film will not be able to survive if Van Damme and Seagal don’t portray themselves.