This week, Fat Guy Kevin Carr flexes his rippling muscles and sets out to live a warrior lifestyle, just like Jason Momoa in Conan the O’Barbarian. But before he can do that, he has to drive a stake through his neighbor’s heart, since he’s certain he lives next door to a vampire. What else could all those sparkles be about? Meanwhile, he sends his kids off to a dangerous 3D, Aroma-Vision mission, hoping they can make it as real spy kids so they can teach him to put on a fake British accent and woo a not-quite-British Anne Hathaway.

Comic-Con regular Robert Rodriguez had an intimate Hall H presentation Thursday evening to talk about his newest venture, Quick Draw Productions. If you’re familiar with Hall H, you’re probably questioning my use of the word “intimate” as it’s a big venue, generally stuffed to the bathrooms with people and big events. Not so, this night, as Robert Rodriguez appeared on stage himself to start slowly unveiling three partnerships, but nothing was that ground shattering. If the ground had shattered, few people would have fallen in, as the voluminous Hall was only about a quarter full for the casual, talky presentation. Before launching into the what and the when of his new production company, Rodriguez ran down the list of things he’s always asked about – namely Machete, Sin City, and Spy Kids 4. To find out what he said about this, and his future in animation, keep readin’ on.

Not content with three fake dimensions, Dimension Films (seriously) is going to release Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World with one more facet: the sense of smell. Smell-o-Vision was an abject failure as a movie fad – only appearing in the 1960 movie Scent of Mystery after its development by Hans Laube. The idea was that it could add to the film-watching experience by allowing an audience to smell what was happening on screen. Although there were competing technologies like AromaRama, the concept was one that never worked in a real theater setting (because scents don’t just go away instantly when you need them to, and the room ends up smelling like burnt roses buried in cigarettes and maple syrup). Learning from the overkill of Scent of Mystery‘s 30 smells, Sky Kids 4 will only have 8 points during the film where the audience can smell what’s happening on screen. Plus, instead of a puff of air, the movie’s “Aromascope” will achieve the effect by use of a rub-and-sniff card with corresponding numbers. That method was used with John Waters’s re-release of Polyester in 1982 (although he called it Odorama), and it worked well, but it’s all still a huge gimmick. And before you think it’s the studio that’s forcing it on the helpless artiste Robert Rodriguez, here’s his near-robotic statement included in the press release: “Families are going to love the interactivity of this new addition to the movie going experience. And best of all, you [Due to Content Scraping and Theft, we have been forced to try abbreviated feeds. We apologize for any inconvenience this may cause and woud very much appreciate you clicking through to view the full article on FilmSchoolRejects.com]

What is Movie News After Dark? It’s a nightly movie news round-up that’s a little tired, a little wired and it thinks it deserves a little appreciation around here! Alright, so that’s the insomnia talking. For now, lets just do the news like we always do, shall we? The headline photo of the night is a shot of two morons Russell Brand and Alec Baldwin in Adam Shankman’s Rock of Ages, a film that will combine major Hollywood names with an infamously terrible director and a slew of over-the-top musical numbers. It’s so ridiculous that it just might work. But probably not.

The past few years have seen some of the most anticipated cinematic pairings finally come to fruition: Aronofsky with Portman, the Coen Brother reuniting with Jeff Bridges, Jeff Bridges reuniting with Young Jeff Bridges. However, all of them stand to be trumped when Jeremy Piven co-stars with Miley Cyrus. We’ve already reported on So Undercover (even though you most likely learned about it while reading your daughter’s texts over her shoulder and wondering what FJD means), but the news of Piven’s involvement is a real wrench in the works that usually pump out pure, clean sarcasm. It’s impossible to know what to think about this. Still, Piven seems to be continuing his family-friendly roles (with this and Spy Kids 4 forthcoming), and his performance here stands to rival the time Paul Giamatti agreed to appear head to toe in blue paint for a children’s film. The movie will also feature Mike O’Malley (a legitimate actor forever in the shadow of the Aggrocrag) and Kelly Osbourne, securing the fact that I am definitely not the target audience for this.

Jessica Alba never got to appear in one of the X-Men movies because she was too busy being invisible and making fun of Ben Grimm. Lucky for her, she gets to don a black jumpsuit for Spy Kids 4. This may not sound like news, unless you’re really into costuming, but once you see there are pictures involved, you’ll really realize that it’s not news. Also, is the joke about X-Men a comment about Spy Kids 4 being unoriginal or is it a comment about how generic those black jumpsuits are? You be the judge. We’ll mail you the powdered wig. Enjoy:

When Jessica Alba gets cast in Spy Kids 4 after working with Robert Rodriguez a few times, it’s easy to shrug shoulders, place the movie in the pile of misfit toys, and go about your day. On the other hand, when one of the funniest comedians blazing a trail through his career joins the cast, it at least warrants another look. According to Variety, it’ll be a small role Joel McHale is stepping into, but it’ll be a small role which finds him married to Jessica Alba. Her character heads back into the spy world (just when you thought she was out!), and McHale’s husband character is also a spy-busting journalist type which makes this Spy Kids 4: The Valerie Plame Story. His casting should give some spark to the film. Unfortunately, it also gives away the twist that Spaghetti Cat is the main villain.

I just read a little post over at Variety, and I feel like I need a shower. And not in the good way. This post is not for the faint of heart or loin.