When we at Junkfood Cinema heard that we had somehow again avoided outright cancellation, clearly an oversight on the part of hectically busy and woefully unobservant management, we decided to celebrate with another installment of the Junkfood Cinema Awards, affectionately known (read “irresponsibly abbreviated”) as The Junkies. Since this was our sophomore effort, we really wanted to flaunt our year-long incompetence with plenty of pomp and circumstance. We therefore hired a big time Hollywood director, one who had similarly proven his commitment to terrible films, to produce a garish, way-too-expensive, online awards ceremony. But then we had to fire him over some incredibly unsavory comments he made; something about rehearsals being for fatties. So instead, we’re just going to do the exact same crap we did last year. Enjoy.

While Brian goes through detox he thought it an interesting experiment for me to take my palette of appreciation for important film and muddy it with something incredibly not that. I took a gander at the menu and, sho’nuff, came across one of my favorite I-wish-I-knew-how-to-quit-you movie desserts – chocolate-covered fortune cookies that are completely void of little wisdom slips (again, you can email your complaints of racism to brianismoreracistthanadam@stillnotarealemailaddress.com).

So, grab your chopsticks and boombox and venture with me into the streets of 1980’s Harlem to seek the one and only Mastah in Berry Gordy’s The Last Dragon.

Every day, come rain or shine or internet tubes breaking, Film School Rejects showcases a trailer from the past. The Shogun of Harlem. The Glow. Pop music. Pointless fortune cookies. This movie is insanely awesome in every way, and it’s trailer spoils just about all of it except for the truly kooky subplot of the wannabe pop star and her lit fuse of a manager. At the very least, it teaches you what to do when some punk barges into a movie theater and starts asking rhetorical questions about how great he is during the film. Check out the trailer for yourself:

This is some of the saddest news I’ve seen recently. It seems like we’ve lost a ton of talented entertainers over the last month, and, unfortunately, now Julius Carry has to be added to that list.