Possible introductory pieces of wordsmithery to lead off this post – “not worth nyuk-ing about!” or even “better than a poke in the eye!” or possibly a longer rife on the use of “just say Moe” as the film’s tagline. Yet all of those cracks at humor are rendered absolutely and starkly unnecessary by this first trailer for the Farrelly Brothers‘ The Three Stooges, which is so painfully unfunny that it makes even related humor feel useless. The Farrellys have been wanting to make a Stooges feature film for years, proclaiming it a passion project, but its journey to the screen has been filled with its own pratfalls and slams to the face – development delays and huge casting issues abounded. The film was originally rumored to star Jim Carrey, Benicico del Toro, and Sean Penn, but when they all dropped the project, other potential casting options were mentioned and reported, including Hank Azaria, Johnny Knoxville, Andy Samberg, and Shane Jacobson. Which doesn’t explain how we ended up with a cast that includes Chris Diamantopoulos as Moe Howard, Sean Hayes as Larry Fine, and Will Sasso as Curly Howard. And Snooki is there, because why not make something that looks terrible look even more bogglingly awful? If you don’t value your eyes, your soul, or the possibility that Hollywood would greenlight an original and creative project, check out the first trailer for The Three Stooges after the break.

It’s unclear whether a Three Stooges biopic was ever a really good idea. The trio are the icons you don’t go messing around with (like in twenty years when a Monty Python biopic starts circling around) because it’s tough to get people to play geniuses. Even when you get insanely lucky with casting (like Jamal Woolard as Notorious B.I.G.), the result can still be a fairly average movie. So why try it? That’s a great question, but apparently it’s something that The Farrelly Brothers have to get out of their system. Unfortunately, we’ve seen in real time how difficult it can be to get a movie off the ground and what happens when you’re not quite sticking the landing. At one point, this film saw Jim Carrey, Benecio Del Toro, and Sean Penn attached – and that, absolutely, would have made for an interesting film. Maybe not a good one, but it would have been a train ride and/or wreck to remember. Now, the casting has been reduced to minor television stars. That’s not a pejorative at all. Television acting is difficult, but it’s not the same kind of acting that a film requires. In terms of sheer talent, it seems like the B team has been called off the benches. Will Sasso is already locked as Curly, and now Variety is reporting that Sean Hayes (from Will and Grace) will be playing Larry. This project was always a head-scratcher, but now it looks like compromise is going to kill [Due to Content Scraping and Theft, we have been forced to try abbreviated feeds. We apologize for any inconvenience this may cause and woud very much appreciate you clicking through to view the full article on FilmSchoolRejects.com]

What is Movie News After Dark? It’s a focused, coordinated strike upon the oppressive barrage of movie blogs who think you should really be reading 700 words on the latest third-tier casting rumors for the next Adam Shankman movie. We take all the interesting news and otherwise notable articles of the day and bring them together, in one place, where you can kick ass and gain knowledge quickly. It also includes some funny videos. Because everyone loves funny videos. With Jason Eisener’s Hobo with a Shotgun finally getting to theaters (and iTunes — go watch it!), Canuxploitation is on its way. To celebrate, Quiet Earth asked Canadian grindhouse cinema expert Paul Corupe to write of Canuxploitation’s weidest, wildest Canadian exploitation movies. Yes.

This week, Fat Guy Kevin Carr is all giddy because he’s been invited to a “Dinner for Winners” (though no one has the heart to tell him it’s really a Dinner for Schmucks). He also puts on his 3D glasses to take a gander at some furry spies in Cats and Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore. Finally, he squeals with excitement about the new Zefron film, but then weeps uncontrollably because Universal didn’t screen it in advance for him.

The Bucket List is a wonderful film, though it would fit pretty well in the tearjerker category, even more for men than women.