I refuse to make this article about Transformers. I refuse to talk about how awful of an actor Megan Fox is, who cannot even effectively scream “Saaaaaaam!” I refuse to espouse on the ridiculous plot. I refuse to complain about seeing John Turturro’s hairy buttcheeks in my face, 20 feet high.

Sarcasm aside, Universal thinks it’s a great idea to place the actor in the iconic role of complete and total evil. On the plus side, Justin Haythe is writing and Nicholas Winding Refn might direct.

My hope is that Paramount Pictures issues a heartfelt and public apology to obese American everywhere for the thoughtless and derogatory depictions of people with weight issues.