This week, Fat Guy Kevin Carr readies for a Labor Day vacation at a lake house surrounded by bloodthirsty sharks. Once dinner is over for the little beasties, he goes undercover in 1960s-era East Berlin to help a bunch of emotionally brittle Mossad agents to kidnap a Nazi war criminal. Unfortunately, all they uncover is dozens of hours of video recordings from a lost NASA moon landing. So Kevin decides to edit all of this footage together into a feature film and hock it to the Weinsteins, convincing them that it really happened… or did it?

If you were looking for the camp that a school of piranhas could deliver, look elsewhere. The new trailer for Shark Night 3D makes it clear that the filmmakers aren’t joking around (no matter what the title might make you believe). Kids. A lack of clothing. Water sports. Actual water sports. Sadly, there are sharks infesting the waters, and from the looks of the trailer, they might not have just wandered up from the estuary.

Kevin Carr is disgustipated by the recent remake of The Last House on the Left. And he’ll tell you why.

Kevin Carr reviews this week’s new movies: Race to Witch Mountain, Last House on the Left and Miss March.

If there’s one thing movies have taught us it’s that fat funny guys can get hot skinny chicks. If there’s one thing more relevant to the new film The Last House on the Left, it’s that remote vacation destinations, while beautiful, are quite often death traps just waiting to kill you and your family.

With Superhero Movie, Sara steps out and steps into her hot-clothes as Jill Johnson, a parody of Kirsten Dunst’s Mary Jane character in Spider-Man. With an immense cuteness and a sweet disposition, Sara makes it almost worth it for anyone to see Superhero Movie.

Allow me to say this before you jump all over me like a pack of wild paparazzi chasing a drunk Lindsay Lohan out of a club: you probably haven’t seen Superhero Movie yet, and I have. The fact that you haven’t seen it makes your opinion completely erratic and irrelevant.