This week, Fat Guy Kevin Carr dresses up in a big red suit and sneaks into people’s houses. The only difference is that he sneaks into the houses of all the naughty girls. But before he can manage that undertaking, he sets his sights on the last wash of movies hitting the multiplexes this season. He travels with Jack Black to the Bermuda Triangle in Gulliver’s Travels then heads out west to catch a killer with True Grit. Finally, he brings his Christmas movie watching to a close by stabbing himself in the face with Little Fockers. Ho ho ho, the humanity!

Here we are back again in Focker-dom, that wonderful place of crushing comic awkwardness, painful slapstick and the no less excruciating specter of great actors slumming for paychecks. Surely, the world did not need Little Fockers, this second sequel to the somewhat overrated Meet the Parents, but like an obligatory stocking-stuffer it has arrived – to cash in for Christmas – and must be dealt with.

As if a better cast could be assembled. Robert De Niro, Joe Pesci and Al Pacino will all find themselves lookin’ at each other under the direction of Martin Scorsese for The Irishman. The plot could involve three out-of-work plumbers sitting around talking about the glory days, and it would still be a hell of a cast, but the film boasts mob ties, hit men, and conspiracy connections to JFK’s assassination. Plus, they might all solve where Jimmy Hoffa is buried so we can all finally get on with our lives. It’s possible that the only way to make this better is to include Harvey Keitel. Fortunately, he’s involved as well. The only challenge for the film will be keeping the curse words in the low thousands. [Cinematical]

With any luck, the Holistic Healing League (which I just made up) will be boycotting Limitless in no time. The idea is shockingly simple – a man starts taking a pill that opens up the rest of his mental faculties to his use. He’s a medicated genius, and he uses that genius for personal gain. Then, Robert De Niro gets pissed about it. The lesson here is that as long as drugs are FDA-approved, they’re totally kosher to take (unless De Niro gets mad at you, then you should stop immediately). So remember, kids, don’t do drugs except the ones your government tells you are A-Okay. Limitless stars De Niro, Bradley Cooper, and Abbie Cornish. It was directed by The Illusionist director Neil Burger, and it will see theaters March 18, 2011. Check out the even higher res version of the trailer at Apple.

Everyone is imprisoned in Stone, but Edward Norton’s character is the only one physically locked up in the big house. The movie leaves a lot unanswered, delivers one of Robert De Niro’s best performances in years, and presents something audiences have clamored for since American History X: Edward Norton in cornrows. I was fortunate enough to sit down with the actor during the film’s run at Fantastic Fest, and we dug deep into the nature of imprisonment, the nature of storytelling, and the De Niro film that makes Norton stop breathing. Special Thanks to Luke Mullen for his keen editing skills.

Fans rejoice!! Robert De Niro can still act. I know this because he’s been given his most complicated material in well over a decade.

Fans rejoice!! Edward Norton is still one of the most versatile actors we have. I know this because I never questioned his portrayal of a corn-row sporting arsonist with a colorfully street form of Detroit dialect.

Fans rejoice!! Milla Jovovich is more than a zombie killer. I know this because despite De Niro’s best work in years and Norton’s further solidification of top-tier performers Jovovich steals the camera’s attention from both with an impressively complex depiction of a conniving seductress with an innocent outer candy shell.

Stone, if you can’t already tell, is very much an actors film. Each character is given a prominent arc with each’s affective behavior causing changes, or an exposing of something already there under the surface, in each other. Jack Mabry (De Niro) is a parole officer a few weeks shy of retirement when he meets Gerald “Stone” Creeson (Edward Norton), a man serving time for setting the house of his grandparents on fire after they were murdered by one of his friends. Creeson is to be one of Mabry’s final cases before heading off into the sunset and it’s up to him to determine whether he feels Creeson has been rehabilitated and can rejoin society. Creeson, not feeling particularly confident in his relationship with Mabry decides to get his wife (Jovovich) to seduce Mabry to hopefully sway his decision to get him released. This leads to a sequence of emotional turmoil, religious enlightenment and regretful indulgences that are met with uncomfortable revelations.

The temptation to refer to Robert Rodriguez’ new film as Brown Dynamite is strong but for two things. One, while Machete fits a similar mold as Scott Sanders’ hilarious riff on blaxploitation films it just isn’t as consistently good as Black Dynamite. For another, the term “brown dynamite” conjures up some unpleasant imagery especially in the context of spicy Mexican food. But enough about intestinal explosions (for now at least)… let’s talk about this tastelessly absurd, cartoonishly violent, and often ridiculously fun movie!

This week, Fat Guy Kevin Carr jumps feet first into the world of exploitation pictures. He rips off his shirt to show his prison tats when he sees Machete and then becomes a weapons expert to go head-to-head with George Clooney in The American. Finally, he cringes and rolls his eyes at yet another crappy real-life couple love story with Going the Distance. It’s sad when the highlight of his moviegoing weekend is a Lindsay Lohan nip slip.

Don Johnson? Bowie knife. Jessica Alba? Pistol. Michelle Rodriguez? Unnecessarily large machine gun. Robert DeNiro? Double fisted handguns. Steven Segal? The same black Nehru jacket he always wears. Lindsey Lohan? Anonymity. Danny Trejo? A massive amount of throwing knives, machetes, and what look like giant scalpels already stained with the insides of men tougher than you. If you’re the type of person who loves to see a Mexican on a souped-up motorcycle, jumping into the air propelled by a massive explosion, then you’re no doubt gritting your teeth until the day you get to see Machete. In the mean time, check out these posters that let you know the exact implements that each character will use to draw blood.

Ben Stiller and Robert De Niro are at it again. They are once again at odds in the world of family politics polluted by oft poorly timed puns about the name of a male nurse named Greg. And this time, there are Little Fockers involved in the shenanigans. And Harvey Keitel. It’s hard to say what Keitel is doing in that equation, but it’s beyond me to question this franchise. Twice now this franchise has spewed forth films that don’t exactly look right upon first glance, and twice now it’s delivered the funny. I give up trying to fight it.

Forgive me if you’ve seen this already, but a new trailer for the Overture Films release Stone, starring Edward Norton, Robert De Niro and Milla Jovovich has hit the web. We’re not sure exactly where it originated from — it was sent to us by a reader named Rabid Rabbit (clever, I suppose) — but we do find it interesting. It’s a crime thriller about an inmate and his girlfriend trying to set up a corrections officer using the one thing that usually works — sex.

I’ve mentioned this a few times, but it’s worth saying again: I’ve got a great feeling about The Killer Elite. The Garry McKendry directed thriller is the story of former British special forces members, led by Clive Owen, who are being hunted down by assassins. To their rescue comes a former Navy Seal played by Jason Statham. This week, the production added the likes of Robert De Niro, Dominic Purcell and Adrian Young. It also added Chuck star Yvonne Strahovski. That works.

Scorsese says he wants Al Pacino as Sinatra and Robert De Niro as Dean Martin. Well duh.

You can have The Expendables, a collection of notable badasses spewing fire-power from celluloid. But if that doesn’t work out — and it might not, who knows — there will be other opportunities to see notably bad (in the good way) dudes take to killing each other and everyone else.

Nobody better warn him. I really want to see how this plays out. Someone make some popcorn or something.

As is so often the case, it takes one legend to bring another legend to life. ESPN is reporting today that Academy Award-winning actor and all-around goomba Robert De Niro has been attached to the ESPN films project Lombardi, in which he will play legendary Green Bay Packers coach Vince Lombardi.

Just as Shutter Island, his latest film and latest collaboration with his new favorite leading man Leo DiCaprio, premiered at Berlinale this weekend, Martin Scorsese was already talking about re-teaming with one of his all-time great frontmen, Robert De Niro.

Fox has beat out Paramount and Lionsgate for the chance to distribute a three-minute trailer.

De Niro’s potentially attached to three upcoming films… Selma from director Lee Daniels, Another Night in Suck City from director Paul Weitz, and… wait for it… a sequel to the classic 1988 buddy comedy Midnight Run.

In spite of the fact almost nothing was screened for them this week, Kevin and Neil meet in the Magical Studio in the Sky to not talk about movies. Instead, they discuss Kevin being a near body double for Taylor Lautner, Neil’s homoerotic fantasies about Neil Patrick Harris and how to tweet in Klingon. tIv cha’!