Just as Hollywood was preparing to bid a tear-filled farewell to South Korean director Park Chan-wook after he finishes work on his English-language debut, Stoker, word comes out of Variety that he might be sticking around in the scene for a little while longer to direct a long-shelved Western script called The Brigands of Rattleborge. A product of screenwriter Craig Zahler, The Brigands of Rattleborge was a script that appeared on the Black List of best unproduced screenplays all the way back in 2006, and apparently it has remained unproduced up to this point because there’s just so much violence inherent to the story that making it would be seen as too big of a risk for anyone with balls less brassy than the guy who made Oldboy. What exactly is a brigand of rattleborge? You see, The Brigands of Rattleborge was titled in a kind of obsolete vernacular. Brigand is an old-timey word for someone who robs people in the woods or the mountains, and Rattleborge, well, your guess is as good as anybody’s on that one. There is a synopsis for the script though, and it says that the story is about a doctor and a sheriff who are looking for revenge against a group of bandits who terrorized a small town during a terrible thunderstorm.

The thesis statement of Taken 2 seems to hold that once you’ve dipped your toe into the criminal world, you’ve entered a murky swamp with an undercurrent that’s just going to keep pulling you deeper down into depravity. When Liam Neeson’s daughter got snatched up by kidnappers in the first Taken, he didn’t handle things by going to the proper authorities, he handled them by tracking the kidnappers down and brutally murdering them one at a time until he got her back. If you’ll remember, it was completely awesome. But it turns out all of those people he killed had families – criminal families – and now they’re out for revenge. In this trailer for Olivier Megaton’s Taken 2, it’s not just the daughter that gets taken, it’s the entire family. So Neeson is going to have to fight extra hard, he’s going to have to dig deep into his cache of skills, and he’s going to have to be as steadfastly brutal as he’s ever been on film before…because he’s got a whole lot of people to kill.

Welcome back to Junkfood Cinema; written by a jive-ass honky. In the interest of remaining true to the blaxploitation films I’ve been lovingly lampooning, and inspired by the lyrical stylings of Rudy Ray Moore, I have decided to rap this week’s introduction. Feel free to follow along below, but to really appreciate the authentic awfulness of my rap, it’s best you hear it aloud. If you haven’t already run screaming from the computer, click below and marvel: With utter disregard for credibility, it’s Friday suckas so it’s time for J-F-C. In what can be described as the opposite of groovy, I will now subject you all to a terrible movie. Describing its faults ain’t nothing but a thing, but admitting my obscene love for it could land me in Sing Sing. As if this weren’t enough to incense and offend, a disgustingly tasty snack awaits you at the end. So prepare your eyeballs and bid farewell to your diet, Blaxploitation History Month ain’t over yet. Today’s Snack: Coffy.

I loved Edge of Darkness precisely because it was more than I expected.