What is Movie News After Dark? It’s a nightly movie news column that isn’t holding out hope that it will be chosen to host the 84th Academy Awards. It has never had a good working relationship with Brian Grazer. Earlier today the entire film world was talking about Brett Ratner’s departure as producer of the Oscars because of a whole bunch of controversy over some comments he made that offended fans of rehearsals. Everyone wanted him out, and they got it. The also got the bonus of Eddie Murphy jumping ship as host, two-for-one discount style. And now they’re getting something else, which might be seen as a bonus. The Academy confirmed this evening via a press release that Brian Grazer will produce the 84th Academy Awards telecast. The odds on Tom Hanks hosting just went through the roof.

It’s hard to say how many words have been written over the course of Internet history about the Star Wars movies. I can’t say for certain what the first site ever constructed for the web was, but I imagine it was either a photo gallery of Cindy Crawford bikini pics or a fansite dedicated to Boba Fett. So I imagine that ranking the Star Wars films has happened at least a dozen times before. Maybe a few more. All of the movies recently got released on Blu-ray, however, and Lucas’s babies seem to once again be a popular topic of conversation, so I figure what’s one more time gonna hurt? Plus there has always been one popular opinion long held by the Internet faithful that has stuck in my craw. The original Star Wars (now titled A New Hope) is universally viewed as being a watershed moment in modern culture, a groundbreaking film that launched one of the most successful franchises of all time and changed the way that people make movies. Return of the Jedi though, it’s often mentioned as being the weakest of the original trilogy. People say that it’s where Lucas lost his way and started making action figure movies with toy stores more in mind than movie theaters. Though we can all agree that The Empire Strikes Back is the strongest of the original Star Wars films (can’t we??), I’ve always felt like Jedi was my second favorite, and a more than satisfying way to end [Due to Content Scraping and Theft, we have been forced to try abbreviated feeds. We apologize for any inconvenience this may cause and woud very much appreciate you clicking through to view the full article on FilmSchoolRejects.com]

You may already be a film industry cynic. Maybe you think Hollywood is a barren wasteland, devoid of creativity and originality. Maybe you’re sick of seeing talented people get ignored and vapid hacks get splashed all over the trades. Maybe you’re tired of 3D everything and having to re-buy your movies every five to ten years. I’m not here to dissuade you of any of that. Hell no, I’m here to make it worse. Get ready, because this is some of the rottenest shit of which the film industry is capable. These are the things so terrible that Hollywood has to cover them up, lest God see their sin and smite them accordingly (and keep various government entities and lawyers off their backs, of course). If you still had any kind thoughts toward Hollywood, I suggest you prepare yourself for crushing disappointment. But first, I’d like to give a very huge shout out and thank you to writers C. Coville and Maxwell Yezpitelok for their help on this article. You guys are great! And now back to the shit storm, already in progress:

If you’ve been fortunate enough to avoid this news until now, I’m sorry, it’s about to get shitty. George Lucas, in a move that surprises no one but angers anyone who’s ever seen Star Wars, has excessively tinkered with the movies in the saga, taking the beloved and dropping a pile of turds on it. It’s true Lucas has been wallowing in the sewage pool after tweaking the original movies in shitty ways (Greedo shoots first, Jabba looks like ass, etc) and making three bad movies to utterly destroy the awesome coolness that was Darth Vader and irreparably rupture the continuity of the franchise. Not content to stop there though, ol’ Georgie-poo has decided to add another notch to his bulbous neck by ignoring (mostly) fan outcry and amplifying the shit we already hate. Let’s break it down.

Have you ever watched Star Wars and thought “this would be great as a concert experience?” Well continue on my friend.

Dr. Cole Abaius does an in-depth study of some of the worst threequels in order to divine some fantastic filmmaking lessons. What elements of filmmaking should be avoided at all cost and which are only mildly toxic? Find out inside. But bring a barf bag.

Due to Daylight Saving Time, I actually got the Sunday Cinematic Listology loaded on Sunday. Thanks arbitrary temporal shift! In this edition, we respond to Christopher Nolan’s assertion that there are no good third movies.