Hell is one of those things that’s up for individual interpretation. Some people believe it’s a real place full of fire and brimstone, or it’s all made up, or it’s a state of mind. Some people think it’s a Shia LaBeouf marathon from which you can never turn away. So, with Hell as a setting, Hollywood basically has a blank slate. They can go the Old Testament route, or they can get more existential with it, or something in-between. (Even Hollywood can’t do the Shia LaBeouf marathon option. No studio would fund that.) As such, here are seven films and their take on the place bad folks go when they die. (Obviously, this contains spoilers for the films listed.)

This past weekend saw the cinematic glory of Resident Evil: Afterlife pushing past security to get into your local theater even though it was moving slower than an instant replay in a curling match. The absolute atrocity of this film raises a lot of questions, but one of the first and foremost is whether or not directors should work with their spouses in a leading role. Paul W.S. Anderson, who thinks Milla Jovovich is as big an action star as Sigourney Weaver, is also married to Milla Jovovich, and while we can’t prove causation for the low marks in her performance here – we can certainly point to correlation. We can also point to 9 more husband and wife teams in order to find out if working with your legally bound significant other is really such a great idea.

Sometimes a movie is so special that it cannot be contained by the standard review. When that happens, we’re more than happy to write an open letter to the production in the hopes of making everyone’s day a little brighter. In the case of Resident Evil: Afterlife, it’s about as special a movie as I’ve seen in a while.

It’s an uncommon thing when a film opening in less than 20 markets is getting more notoriety than the one opening on 2,800 screens. Such is the case this weekend. Resident Evil: Afterlife is the clear winner in terms of size. It has a rather good chance of even coming out #1. However, the most talked about film of the weekend features Joaquin Phoenix, a beard, and a year in the life of secluded madness. You be the judge who the true winner is. We’re just here to talk about box office.

Juno Temple has been getting around lately. Not like that. Weirdos. What I mean is that she’s been getting a lot of work lately. Get your heads out of the toilet.

Screen Gems has just sent out word this evening that they’ve finalized the cast and the story for Resident Evil: Afterlife, the fourth movie in the series based on the insanely popular Resident Evil video games.

The Three Musketeers! In three dimensions! In two years! All for one and one for all! …Meh. Unless this version also stars Oliver Platt, count me out.

The second trailer for Christian Alvart’s upcoming sci-fi thriller Pandorum has been released today via our friends at Screenrant, and boy does it look claustrophobic.

That gaseous sound you hear is the collective sigh of relief escaping the bellies of film connoisseurs the world over…