If you tried, you could probably find a bigger Evil Dead fan than me. It might take a little bit, but you could. I mean, I’ve got my three T-Shirts, my Necronomicon copies of the movies on DVD in addition to several other versions, including Blu-ray transfers, I’ve got my toys, books, comics, and video games too. So while I’ll never claim to be the biggest Evil Dead fan, I can say I’m a pretty big one. For years I’ve waited on a continuation to the story. I remember my first experiencing watching the original movie at a sleepover. It was Steve’s house, but he fell asleep early after playing too much Command & Conquer. Only me and Matt were awake and he, no joke, got a boner from the tree rape scene. There was always something off about Matt. But it wasn’t long after that I found the second. I remember Army of Darkness in theaters. Everything Bruce Campbell wrote or said about the franchise, I ate up. Waiting to hear about Evil Dead 4. When talk turned to a remake instead of a continuation, I was upset but hopeful. Maybe Campbell would be in it. Maybe they would cast Seann William Scott and that wouldn’t be all that bad, would it? Now we have firm news that the Evil Dead reboot is moving forward – time to praise the lord? Hardly. What we know sucks and here’s why.

Late last night a lot of questions got raised about a new Evil Dead movie. There were reports that a new one was going into production, conflicting reports that Sam Raimi was just casting for his upcoming Oz: The Great and Powerful, and then confirmation from Bruce Campbell that a remake was ready to happen. This morning Bloody Disgusting was able to clear things up quite a bit by reporting that Raimi does indeed have a “quasi-remake” of The Evil Dead gearing up for production, but that he doesn’t intend on directing it himself. Instead the job is going to newcomer Fede Alvarez. Despite the fact that Bruce Campbell had the inside scoop on the project, there isn’t any word if he will have a role in the film or if they will be looking to cast all new actors. Given Campbell’s close relationship with Raimi, I don’t think that it’s a given that just because he knows about the project he will be in any significant way involved. That said, I think we can all agree that he better be. I would opine that a large reason Raimi’s first three films in this universe work is the screen presence of Campbell. Without him, you don’t have Ash, you just have some horror movie starring a dude.

David Fincher gets obsessed about things, and he’s clearly never read “The Hitchhiker’s Guide” because panicking seems to be something he can’t take his mind off of. The most recent incarnation of this passion comes in optioning Jason Starr’s thriller novel “Panic Attack” for a possible forthcoming project under his Panic Pictures banner. According to Vulture, Fincher has already hired Ted Griffin (Ocean’s Eleven, Matchstick Men) to write the adaptation. This will mark a move even further away from his Benjamin Button phase and back toward the earlier point in his career where people threatening to kill other people was the main focus. In other words, Fincher is looking to give audiences a reason to panic again. Plus, this will be a departure of sorts for Griffin who has written rom-com fare like Killers and Rumor Has It… in recent years. The story focuses on a psychologist named Adam Bloom who shoots a burglar who’s broken into his home. Instead of praise for protecting his wife and child, Bloom is made into a monster by the media because he just so happened to empty an entire clip into the would-be thief. To complicate the emotional, public hell – the burglar’s partner has a mind for revenge. It sounds perfect and perfectly Fincher-esque. If Kevin Spacey gets involved, chills will already start climbing up the back of my spine.

This one goes out to those of you who are clamoring for a sequel to this year’s sci-fi surprise District 9.