Welcome back to Junkfood Cinema; we don’t know what a barbie is either so just throw the shrimp into our mouths. You have just gone walkabout and stumbled upon the Internet’s 87th most prestigious bad movie column. Every week, I spear a wildly schlocky movie as it goes hopping by with a veritable pouch full of shortcomings. But then my opinion of the film boomerangs back to the pure adoration I’ve been harboring all along. To cap the occasion, I offer a disgustingly delicious snack food item certain to prove only slightly less hazardous than any of the innumerable poisonous Australian fauna. This week’s didgeri-don’t: BMX Bandits. 

When the calendar page turns to October, we Rejects have only one thought: horror. To celebrate this grandest and darkest of months, we’ll cover one excellent horror film a day for the entirety of the month. That’s 31 Days of Horror and 31 Films perfect for viewing on a dark, chilly, October night. If you, like us, love horror and Halloween, give us a Hell Yeah and keep coming every day this month for a new dose of adrenaline. Synopsis The Others begins with a scream when Grace Stewart (Nicole Kidman)awakens from a nightmare. Grace and her children Anne and Nicholas live in isolation in a fog shrouded house on the Jersey Islands in 1945. She and the children had been living under German occupation, but even though the war has ended and the occupation is over life is still fraught with tension. The children are so photosensitive they will die if exposed to sunlight. The windows are shrouded in blackout curtains leaving them in darkness only relieved by candlelight or gas lamps. Grace’s husband Charles is missing in action and she’s on her own struggling to keep her children safe. Grace’s struggle to maintain an orderly life is disrupted by the arrival of three mysterious servants. The secretive trio arrives out of nowhere, but good help is hard to find so Grace hires them, leading them from room to room, instructing them on how to keep the children away from sunlight. It’s Anne who is aware of the others

For a film with Nicolas Cage and Nicole Kidman to get theatrically dumped, it’s a pretty clear sign that the final product didn’t turn out so hot. The dumpee is Joel Schumacher‘s Trespass. That’s right, a Joel Schmucher film with two recognizable stars is getting rushed in and out of the market. Apparently, it will be hitting DVD and VOD three weeks after its October 14th theatrical release. VideoEta already has the home video release date listed as November 1st. Millennium picked up the film about a month ago and even with the hit and miss star power involved, one would think it would get a bigger release than this.

It was only a matter of time after Jacki Weaver’s Oscar nominated turn as the grandmother from hell in the Australian thriller Animal Kingdom that she would start popping up in American films. First up will be a role in Nicholas Stoller’s Five Year Engagement due out next April, but a second US-based film has just been added to her schedule and it’s exciting news to say the least. Deadline Sydney is reporting that Weaver has joined the already strong cast of Park Chan-wook’s English language debut, Stoker. The film, written by Prison Break‘s Wentworth Miller, tells the story of a teenager (Mia Wasikowska) dealing with her father’s recent death and the arrival of her odd and eccentric uncle (Matthew Goode) whose return home coincides with a rash of disappearances around town. Nicole Kidman is set to play Mia’s mother, and it’s presumed that Weaver will take on the grandmother role again. Hopefully this doesn’t mean she’ll try to have poor little Mia killed.

I think we all know each other well enough now. Yeah? Let’s talk fetishes. When I took the position of Reel Sex columnist the first story idea that sprung to mind revolved around BDSM culture. I’ve always been fascinated with the back and forth of this lifestyle, and with so many examples of light to moderate to down-right kinky in mainstream cinema it’s not difficult to find something that everyone can enjoy. Some of the films springing to mind right off the bat are ones we’ve looked at before, like 2002’s Secretary (which we will explore more in depth below), but there are so many more that established the base of mainstream BDSM culture in cinema. Here is just a small sample of what to expect before you dive, gag-ball deep, into some of the most controversially kinky films.

What is Movie News After Dark? It too slays vampires and zombies. Not in a top hat, mind you, but it slays them nonetheless. It also believes strongly that it will be assassinated (by /Film’s Page 2) while attending a revival of Our American Cousin at Ford’s Theatre in Washington D.C. “There’s something in the American psyche, we want our presidents to be warriors. We’re giving that to Abraham Lincoln, sort of posthumously in this case.” That’s what Seth Grahame-Smith had to say A in an interview with The New York Times. It’s part of NYT giving the world its first look at Benjamin Walker as Abe Lincoln, the ax-wielding, vampire slaying 16th President of the United States. It’s a neat article that gives away a lot of details about the project, but nothing that you wouldn’t get having read the book.

We reported back in November about Chan-wook Park setting up his first English-language gig with Fox Searchlight, but at the time, the synopsis for Stoker merely alluded to foul play by the hands of a young girl’s uncle who comes to town when her father dies. According to the usually questionable Daily Mail (via Screen Rant), the uncle is definitely a vampire. What’s more, the rag claims that Oscar winner Colin Firth is set to star as the bloodsucker alongside Nicole Kidman and Mia Wasikowska. All of those names are various replacements for Carey Mulligan, Jodie Foster and Johnny Depp (that guy is everywhere) who were all name-dropped last Fall. Park handled vampires with his trademarked insanity in Thirst, so seeing him return to that is bittersweet. The most fascinating prospect is seeing him handle someone else’s material (sense the script for Stoker was written by Wentworth Miller). Park has written for others, but he’s never directed a screenplay that wasn’t his own. That could be a challenge, especially in the face of the curse of brilliant directors making the jump to American cinema. At the very least, it will be interesting to see the auteur try on someone else’s writing for size. Firth in the mean time will be seen in the forthcoming Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy, and at some point we’ll get to see Park’s iPhone movie in all its glory.

This article is part of our Oscar Week Series, where you will find breakdowns and predictions for all of the major categories. Some of you might be confused as to what the Best Actress category is exactly. Don’t worry; it’s easy enough to explain. You see, Best Actress is just like the award for Best Actor, except it’s for people with lady parts only. Why there needs to be a gender distinction when it comes to giving out awards for acting performances is beyond me. Is there something inherent in one of the genders that would give them the edge when it comes to acting? Or maybe this is a relic of an older Hollywood where all of the really meaty roles were written for men and actresses didn’t have much more to do than be the object of affection? I think we’re past that point now. I would argue not just that female actors put out work equal to male actors in 2010, but also that they were on the whole given more interesting characters to play. I say that this is the year where we need to band together and call for the end of award discrimination. Who’s with me? Maybe you should look over the nominees first. They are as follows, with my winner prediction in red.

This week, Fat Guy Kevin Carr spent the night in jail after trying to sneak in and see Justin Bieber: Never Say Never 3D. The cops didn’t believe him that he was trying to watch the latest remake of Thunderball. Sadly, they just saw a pervy looking fat guy squealing and crying with a group of thirteen year old girls. Fortunately, he had a chance to catch the other movies of the week, including Gnomeo and Juliet, Just Go With It and The Eagle. He also gives a little bit of love (what’s left of it anyway after spending the night in lock-up) to the Oscar-Nominated Shorts.

This week, Fat Guy Kevin Carr enters the grid (which is what he likes to call his local IMAX theater) to try and find an old and hairy Jeff Bridges amidst a bunch of young-looking sexy-time people in tight body suits. Afterwards, he has a pic-i-nic at Jellystone Park and faces a bear attack. It’s a good thing he had his hunting rifle with him… but he still wonders why that grizzly he shot was wearing a hat and tie. Finally, he hands out some grades on two limited release award flicks that really don’t jazz him as much as a big, dumb IMAX 3D movie.

Rabbit Hole takes on one of the oldest artistic subjects – a family’s struggle to find some way of moving on from a devastating death. Yet, as adapted by David Lindsay-Abaire from his own Pulitzer Prize-winning play, the film avoids the overt sentimentalizing and easy stabs at the tear ducts –what one might deem “grief porn” – that have wrecked so many of its predecessors. Instead, director John Cameron Mitchell has assembled an affecting, well-acted portrait of a couple stuck in stasis, trying to reclaim normalcy where there is none to be had. The Hedwig and the Angry Inch creator demonstrates an eye for the intricacies of a strained relationship, the complex psychological burden of the lingering, pervasive specter of a terrible loss and the eerie quality of a home once occupied by a child, now hauntingly quieted.

It might be a good idea to pop some Zoloft before diving into the emotional trailer for Rabbit Hole. The film, starring Nicole Kidman, Aaron Eckhart and the always incredible Dianne Wiest, caught some great reviews coming out of TIFF, and it will see a major release on December 17th (just in time for award consideration). It’s a rare thing that a trailer causes such a strong emotional response, although any story about a couple losing a young child to tragedy has the potential for it. Hopefully, the movie will live up to the hype, and this bit of marketing, and deliver something even stronger. What do you think? It might make you full on cry in HD.

Science Fiction is, sadly, not always seen as high art. However, there are some brilliant acting talents who have dared to slum it in the world of science fiction. Here’s the 15 most notable ones.

The recent cinema of Wes Anderson and his occasional creative collaborator Noah Baumbach have encountered an interesting play with the ever-blurry line that retains an audience’s empathy for an unlikeable protagonist. This week, the Culture Warrior puts those protagonists in focus.

The Weinstein Company hit Reject HQ with a few new photos from their upcoming release Nine, from director Rob Marshall (Chicago). And boy, does Judi Dench look hot.

The Weinstein Company has released a vibrant an sexually throbbing trailer for the upcoming musical Nine, the latest work of director Rob Marshall (Chicago).

Either that, or they might star together in a film where a married couple lose a young child. But would you seriously check out a headline like that?

Nicole Kidman is the latest addition to the all-star cast being assembled for Woody Allen’s untitled 2010 film.

Kevin Carr looks at Australia, Four Christmases, Transporter 3 and Milk, in theaters this week with the FSR Report Card.

It’s the Big, Fat Thanksgiving Special! Kevin and Neil beam into the Magical Virtual Studio in the Sky two days early to get ready for their Thanksgiving feast which will keep them napping through the weekend.