This week our Saturday tradition known as The Week That Was takes on a new look. And as I’m sure you probably won’t notice (because I’m not entirely convinced that anyone reads this column), I will be the first to point out that the new format was at least in part inspired by a new feature I read over at Cinematical. And because sometimes the best ideas are stolen, I’m not sorry. I just can’t apologize for finding a better way to help you catch up on all of the excellent content you may have missed here on Film School Rejects. I won’t do it. Now lets forget all about this nonsense and focus on what matters: the best articles of the week, as brought to you by the lovely and talented FSR contributors.

This week, Fat Guy Kevin Carr snubs his nose at all the films up for the Oscar in order to enjoy the R-rated smorgasbord that is available in the theaters. He kisses his wife and takes six days off from marriage, just like Owen Wilson and Jason Sudeikis in Hall Pass. He takes those six days to find a fast car so he can Drive Angry, following Amber Heard and her short shorts in 3D. Apparently no one told him she’s a lesbian now.

Nicolas Cage is miffed; you might say perturbed. His daughter and her husband have been murdered and his infant granddaughter has been abducted. The perpetrator of these vile acts is the leader of a satanic cult of which his daughter was a former member. Cage proceeds to scorch the Earth between him and this madman in an effort to recover the only remaining connection he has to his beloved daughter. Along the way, he becomes involved with a waitress who accompanies him on his odyssey of rage. They are set upon by a mysterious suited man who calls himself The Accountant and seems to have a knack for seemingly impossible homicides. Will our intrepid anti-heroes be able to rescue the child before the forces of darkness claim her? What is the secret the vengeful rider seems to be harboring? Is that Tom Atkins?! Sometimes unique providence shines upon a critic when he is presented with a film that perfectly speaks to him. Every element, every frame, every absurdity seems suspiciously designed to strike just the right chord. The drawback inherent in a situation like this is that it becomes difficult to write a review that will communicate the quality of such a film for the masses. In short, trying to convince you that Drive Angry is a great film outside of an extremely esoteric appreciation may prove difficult. Drive Angry is essentially the perfect example of Junkfood Cinema fare: technically terrible but nevertheless lovable. If that doesn’t sound like your [Due to Content Scraping and Theft, we have been forced to try abbreviated feeds. We apologize for any inconvenience this may cause and woud very much appreciate you clicking through to view the full article on FilmSchoolRejects.com]

William Fichtner needs no introduction. He’s headed a sting operation against Ecstasy dealers, had Heath Ledger shove a grenade in his mouth, and now with Drive Angry, he plays a mysterious figure that’s short on talk and big on results. Especially if those results involve a baseball bat and the oh-so-fragile human skull. The Accountant is bound to be an iconic character in the same vein as Pulp Fiction‘s Winston “The Wolf” Wolfe. He’s an unflinching hunter not bound by the laws of this world (or the laws of physics), and Fichtner delivers the usual acting power that he’s known and applauded for. Fortunately, Fichtner was nice enough to take time out to speak with me about the role, his love of cars, and what KC and the Sunshine Band has to do with demons from Hell.

What is Movie News After Dark? This is a question that I am almost never asked, but I will answer it for you anyway. Movie News After Dark is FSR’s newest late-night secretion, a column dedicated to all of the news stories that slip past our daytime editorial staff and make it into my curiously chubby RSS ‘flagged’ box. It will (but is not guaranteed to) include relevant movie news, links to insightful commentary and other film-related shenanigans. I may also throw in a link to something TV-related here or there. It will also serve as my place of record for being both charming and sharp-witted, but most likely I will be neither of the two. I write this stuff late at night, what do you expect?

I’ve been fortunate enough to see every single picture from Drive Angry because I’ve seen the movie, and it’s about as fun a ride as you can imagine. The 3D is gimmicky and wonderful, the story is on a hellbent mission, and William Fichtner creates a character that will live forever as an icon. He, however, is not the main focus of these new pics from the movie. That focus happens to be Amber Heard in Daisy Dukes. The marketers know what they’re doing. Enjoy the new pics intermingled with some old favorites:

What is Movie News After Dark? This is a question that I am almost never asked, but I will answer it for you anyway. Movie News After Dark is FSR’s newest late-night secretion, a column dedicated to all of the news stories that slip past our daytime editorial staff and make it into my curiously chubby RSS ‘flagged’ box. It will (but is not guaranteed to) include relevant movie news, links to insightful commentary and other film-related shenanigans. I may also throw in a link to something TV-related here or there. It will also serve as my place of record for being both charming and sharp-witted, but most likely I will be neither of the two. I write this shit late at night, what do you expect?

This week, Fat Guy Kevin Carr heads into the January movie season with a heavy heart. He checks out Gwyneth Paltrow’s latest award bait flick, Country Strong. Hint, hint… no one is taking the bait. Then he tries like hell to see Season of the Witch, but the lack of regional press screenings and midnight shows keep him and Nicolas Cage’s mullet sadly apart. What else would you expect from the industry coming back from winter break. After all, this is the time of year that the mega-hits Leprechaun, BloodRayne and Bride Wars came out.

Here’s a basic lesson in Hollywood business: If a film is the sole wide theatrical release opening on the first weekend of a new year, it’s probably bad. More often than not, were the movie at least somewhere between passable and worth watching its releasing studio would find some way to get it to its audience during the prime holiday season. We’re still waiting for the exception to the rule and Season of the Witch is not it.

We here at FSR pride ourselves on speaking with authority. It doesn’t always happen (especially when I’m writing about Inception after drinking three boxes of wine), but it’s the goal we strive for. We’re bursting on the brink of boastfulness to provide a service most other film sites don’t offer – the ingenuity and odd creativity of our team of writers. Our readership is up 46% this year and that’s thanks in a major way to our fans, to the fourth box of wine, and to these features and editorials. If you missed them the first time, enjoy adding your two cents. If you’re catching them for the second time around, feel free to flame on for old time’s sake. (Click on any of the titles below to read the full articles.)

There’s a solid chance that Ghost Rider 2 has already messed with your mind for simply existing. In the real world where things fall due to gravity, the sky is blue, and dogs definitely don’t live with cats, a movie failing as thoroughly as Ghost Rider did would ensure that it wouldn’t get a sequel. Not only is it getting one, it’s getting a reboot disguised as a sequel featuring the same main actor. Is your mind messed with yet? If not, please accept Nic Cage’s comments on the matter:

Seems like its been days since Nicolas Cage has been seen on the big screen doesn’t it? Well don’t worry Cageholics, if The Sorcerer’s Apprentice didn’t quite satiate your need you only have to wait seven months to see him drop the magic hat in favor of some serious ass kicking. Drive Angry is directed by Patrick Lussier (My Bloody Valentine 3D) and stars Cage as a man whose daughter is killed by some very bad people. They may or may not be satanists too, and as if that wasn’t bad enough the bastards also kidnap Cage’s grandchild. Presumably this infuriates Cage’s character and forces him to get behind the wheel of a car to seek his revenge. The film also stars the lovely Amber Heard and the even lovelier William Fichtner. Lussier has experience with 3D from his minor horror hit, and he ‘s continued that interest by shooting Drive Angry in 3D. So if nothing else, respect the man and the film for actually choosing that route instead of simply converting it the movie in post production.

Welcome back to Junkfood Cinema; you should be ashamed.  That’s right, this is the internet column that makes us all look bad.  And by us, I don’t mean film critics, but rather any responsible film-watcher/eater of food.  Each week I shake and bake my favorite bad movies for your reading displeasure.  These movies are very un-bueno but have a certain indefinable quality that makes them impossible not to love.  Actually, if that quality still comes across as undefinable after you read the piece, I really haven’t done my job have I?  To add extra awesome sauce to your Friday, each week I pair the film with an appropriate snack food that promises to ruin your beach season.  This week we take flight with none other than Con Air.

There’s is no telling what Drive Angry 3D is about. At its barest, it involves a revenge concept with Nicolas Cage being crazy (and revengy). The rumors paint it as a beast of a movie that might be a kinetic meltdown or a version of Bad Lieutenant that’s been stabbed in the chest with an adrenaline needle. Fortunately, none of the concept art for it makes any sense in that context. It’s beautiful and eerie, but it looks a bit like a world where Max Rockatansky started worshiping the devil. See for yourself after the jump. (And remember to Jump Angry.)

Welcome back to Junkfood Cinema; perpetually full.  This is the weekly column that begs the question, “why don’t they just cut off that Salisbury kid’s fingers?!” Each and every Friday I wheel out the very finest, most choice terrible films and force you to sit there and smile as I sing their praises.  Despite what certain recent exposé articles may have espoused, I did not suffer a major head injury trying to recreate the parkour scene from Casino Royale.  Therefore I still have the cognitive capacity to understand exactly why these films are bad, but sometimes we partake of things we know are bad for us.  To that end, I will pair each film with a junkfood item on which you can gorge while you watch the film and bid adieu to each dying brain cell. Brace yourselves this week kiddos, our foray into the unrefined brings us far too close to Vampire’s Kiss.

This week, Fat Guy Kevin Carr celebrates the summer tent pole season with Christopher Nolan’s Inception, eager to watch the movie again and fall asleep just to see what happens. He also takes his kids to see The Sorcerer’s Apprentice and shows some love for Disney’s family adventures, even if they are a bit silly.

This week sees the release of The Sorcerer’s Apprentice, which has absolutely nothing to do with Mickey Mouse tooling around with his wizard master’s magic spells to create a flood inside their home office caused by anthropomorphic brooms. Actually, it has partially something to do with that (for a few minutes) and the phrase “wizard master” sounds like Mickey is in the KKK. For that, I apologize. However, when I made fun of the idea of taking something like a short from Fantasia and changing it so egregiously in order to make a live-action, feature length film, Rob Hunter scoffed at my lack of vision and asked me if I could do better. I explained to him that I didn’t want to, because it was the bastardization that seemed lacking in creativity, but he was drunk on vegan rum, didn’t understand what I was saying, and wouldn’t stop hitting me with his Mac and Me DVD until I agreed to take on the challenge. What challenge? To take other Fantasia shorts and turn them into feature length films. If it sounds like a bad idea, that’s because it is.

You’d think that the combination of awesome that is Nic Cage, Alfred Molina, and plasma orb throwing would make The Sorcerer’s Apprentice a sure bet. Sadly, this was not the case. While Jon Turteltaub brings us a reasonably entertaining romp through New York with plenty of magic, wizardry, and Cage one-liners — the viewer isn’t left with a lot of heart, or much reason to get emotionally invested in the characters. The Sorcerer’s Apprentice is based on a 1797 poem by Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, about a…well, a sorcerer and his apprentice. Most people know the story based on Disney’s Fantasia, the part of the apprentice played by the iconic Mickey Mouse. In the current iteration, a lot of story and background have been created to make this a full length film. The apprentice is Dave Stutler (Jay Baruchel), a physics major at NYU with a past he’d like to forget.

A few weeks ago I had the opportunity to participate in The Sorcerer’s Apprentice press junket in Los Angeles. The film follows Balthazar Blake (Nicolas Cage), a master sorcerer in modern-day Manhattan trying to defend the city from his arch-nemesis, Maxim Horvath (Alfred Molina). Balthazar can’t do it alone, so he recruits Dave Stutler (Jay Baruchel), a seemingly average guy who demonstrates hidden potential, as his reluctant protégé. The sorcerer gives his unwilling accomplice a crash course in the art and science of magic, and together, these unlikely partners work to stop the forces of darkness. Participating in the junket were stars Nicolas Cage and Jay Baruchel along with producer Jerry Bruckheimer and director Jon Turtletaub. Below the jump are notes from the conference, straight from my trusty tape recorder to you.

With The Last Airbender and Twilight: Eclipse behind us, it’s becoming more and more easy to call this summer a relative bust. All that stands between Summer 2010 now and the bowels of history is Christopher Nolan’s Inception, or so you might think. Over the past few weeks I’ve become increasingly interested in the Jerry Bruckheimer produced magic-a-thon The Sorcerer’s Apprentice. And it has nothing to do with Nicolas Cage’s funky hair-do.