For those new to the column, I am revisiting important events in my life that have made me what I am today: A Special Effects Make Up Artist seeking relevance in the 21st century. You start at the bottom, right? You pay your dues. You put in the hours and the effort and experience the pain and frustration of being a novice. Yep, that just about sums it all up. It was September of 1984, and I was in South Pasadena working on a project for Mark Shostrom entitled Ghost Soldiers*. The plot seemed simple enough: A group of young inexperienced soldiers, led by a seasoned drill instructor, is taken to a remote, rural area for a training exercise. They aren’t prepared to face a small battalion of resurrected Confederate, Civil War soldiers intent on killing them.

Oh holy hell, lock up the granola and put on your novelty bibs because it’s time for another obnoxiously tall helping of Junkfood Cinema! This is the only column on the internet that spawned a Mothers Against Drunk Driving offshoot called MAJFC; doesn’t really have the same ring to it does it?