On the 16th anniversary of the first public screening of Clerks, we get personal with the man, the myth, the lunchbox as he rips his heart off his sleeve and slams it down on the table.

I have to start by saying that I have great respect for people who work past disabilities and afflictions to lead healthy, rewarding lives. I have nothing against blind people, just ignorant people. So I apologize early if I offend any of our blind readers out there – wait, can blind people read?