Here’s something sort of bizarre – director Garry Marshall and writer Katherine Fugate‘s latest star-crammed desecration of random, non-religious holidays is not monumentally or irremediably terrible. It is also not good, but it’s certainly better than its predecessor, the rancid Valentine’s Day (though that’s not saying much). New Year’s Eve is not so much a film as a gimmick – tons of stars! lots of plots! all kind of connected! just one day! – and such a gimmick can yield some unexpectedly positive results just as often as it can ending up being simply terrible entertainment not worthy of being called cinema. New Year’s Eve is not so much a film as a two-hour piece of wish fulfillment for the sort of people who read US Weekly on, well, a weekly basis. Unlike Valentine’s Day, its very existence is not offensive, but it’s bloated and kind of boring and really, just really, tremendously unnecessary.

The horror…the horror… The best part about this poster for New Year’s Eve is either that it features all of the names and pictures of the actors, but not in the same order, or that the catchphrase “Let The Countdown Begin” lets us know that it’s a Doomsday Movie. Garry Marshall, who should be ashamed of himself for directing Valentine’s Day, proves once and for all that he owes some serious men down at the race track by stepping up to direct this sequel which seeks to squeeze even less screen time out for even more famous faces. Also, Homeless Hector Elizondo is kind of cruel considering they made everyone else look halfway decent (except for Ashton Kutcher who clearly didn’t show up for a photo shoot and forced the marketing department to find a paparazzi shot of him smiling). Enough with the words! Check it out for yourself, and feel free to largify it by clicking (if you dare):

You have the movie poster for your dorm room. You have the T-shirt. You have the bling. Now, you can pick up Brian DePalma’s classic gangster movie Scarface on Blu-ray for the first time. And if you’re gonna take a spare three hours to watch the film, why not sip on your favorite beverage in the process? This movie is Brian DePalma, Al Pacino and Oliver Stone at their best. Trust me, it’s better than watching a triple feature of Mission to Mars, S1m0ne and Alexander.

Dark Shadows is the next chance for Tim Burton to succeed, and he’s playing in a very familiar sandbox. A too-familiar sandbox for some, but there’s still hope that in retuning to Gothic roots in a passion project for Johnny Depp, the director can recapture some magic. The one mystery about the movie is what kind of tone it will take. The television show is well known enough, but the movie could take it seriously, keep the camp, or shoot for something entirely different. Fortunately, there’s a plot synopsis  lurking about (thanks to a Warner Bros. press release announcing the start of filming). Unfortunately, it won’t tell us anything about the tone. Read the synopsis for yourself and try to figure out if Burton and company are going more Scissorhands or more Ed Wood here:

You already knew that Helena Bonham Carter would be joining her life partner Tim Burton’s film version of Dark Shadows because you haven’t been in a come for the past decade. It was only a question of who she’ll play. According to Deadline Sunnydale, Carter is in talks to play Dr. Julia Hoffman – a regular character on the creaky television show who was originally played by Academy Award nominee (for Night of the Iguana) Grayson Hall. No word yet on whether her character will have two different-colored shoes. It would be a role that sees a lot of screen time with (a wigless) Barnabas Collins (as played by Johnny Depp). According to the same report, Michelle Pfeiffer might re-team with Tim Burton for the first time since Batman Returns. She would play Elizabeth Collins Stoddard, the mater familias of the clan who was played by noir legend Joan Bennett on the original show. It’s also important to note that while the television show has a moderately large cult following, and is truly beloved by the filmmakers here, it was a trainwreck of a program that typically had flies buzzing in and out of shots, a door that refused to work, and boom mics sneaking into frame. It was hectic, daily episode madness that made it so lovable, so it’ll be interesting to see if Burton can capture that same spirit.

What is Movie News After Dark? This is a question that I am almost never asked, but I will answer it for you anyway. Movie News After Dark is FSR’s newest late-night secretion, a column dedicated to all of the news stories that slip past our daytime editorial staff and make it into my curiously chubby RSS ‘flagged’ box. It will (but is not guaranteed to) include relevant movie news, links to insightful commentary and other film-related shenanigans. I may also throw in a link to something TV-related here or there. It will also serve as my place of record for being both charming and sharp-witted, but most likely I will be neither of the two. I write this shit late at night, what do you expect?

Valentine’s Day was a terrible movie. It was everything that is syrupy and wrong with Hollywood, so of course it’s getting a sequel in New Year’s Eve – a trend that will most likely continue until Flag Day is made. Then it will be rebooted. That follow-up will now possibly see Ashton Kutcher re-enlisting as a brand new character (who doesn’t like New Year’s Eve), and he might also be joined by two-time Academy Award winner Hilary Swank, two-time Academy Award winner Robert DeNiro, and three-time Academy Award nominee Michelle Pfeiffer. It’s looking to shoot soon, and will most likely strive for a release close to New Year’s Eve 2011. Until then, the world longs for Flag Day. [THR]

I’m sure a decent number of film sites out there are going to be looking at the Best Gangster films of all time. Since we already know that Analyze This tops the list every year, we decided to do something a little different – looking at the gorgeous women that stand beside their connected men.

This reunion of ‘Dangerous Liaisons’ director Stephen Frears, screenwriter Christopher Hampton and star Michelle Pfeiffer never resonates as it should.