Welcome back to Junkfood Cinema: now with 100% more! Time to shake off the cobwebs, crack the padlock on the pantry, and get back to ruining your weekends by filling your eye sockets with tasty schlock. Yes, I have been away for awhile, but I have returned with a renewed fervor to liquefy your brains whilst simultaneously broadening your silhouette. Each week I investigate every nook and cranny of my favorite turkeys while also lavishing it with a sweet, geeky dressing of praise. I will also pair each film with a deliciously terrible-for-you snack food in the hopes that you too can obtain the Adonis-like physique of Gene Shalit. In honor of October, I will be serving up the best of the bad horror movies all month long. First up is the threequel with no equal… Halloween III: Season of the Witch. It’s the story of a man investigating a company that makes Halloween masks which seem to do more harm to children than just make them visually-impaired speed bumps like they are supposed to.

Get it? Second Halloween 2? Because its the second time there is a second Halloween movie. God, I hate remakes.