The first time I uttered a curse word was when I was eight. Perhaps these days that would make me a late bloomer (you kids with your snap bracelets and Ace of Base, amirite?), but back then it was a pretty big deal, and it was attached to a big event — the unfettered hatred of my first self-purchased game – Ghosts ‘n Goblins for the NES. To say this game was a motherf@*ker is a monumental understatement. Capcom’s Ghost ‘n Goblins is widely considered one of the most difficult early arcade titles of all time, and I’ll readily admit that I could only get so far before throwing the controller and screaming myself out — my mother finding me in the fetal position; a mass of burning tears and snot.

So the guy who gave us Clive Owen banging Monica Bellucci while simultaneously shooting bad guys is directing a remake of Outland. Can Sean Connery’s artificial hips handle that kind of swiveling action?