While Brian goes through detox he thought it an interesting experiment for me to take my palette of appreciation for important film and muddy it with something incredibly not that. I took a gander at the menu and, sho’nuff, came across one of my favorite I-wish-I-knew-how-to-quit-you movie desserts – chocolate-covered fortune cookies that are completely void of little wisdom slips (again, you can email your complaints of racism to brianismoreracistthanadam@stillnotarealemailaddress.com).

So, grab your chopsticks and boombox and venture with me into the streets of 1980’s Harlem to seek the one and only Mastah in Berry Gordy’s The Last Dragon.

This martial arts flick coming out of Indonesia is, wait for it, far better than Ong Bak. Let that sink in, and then let me explain why inside.

As a retarded martial arts expert strikes out on his own, he ardently adheres to his mother’s credo: fighting is bad and should only be a last resort for the sake of self-defense. But when his new-found girl gets kidnapped by human trafficking syndicate, his oath to her is tested.