You may already be a film industry cynic. Maybe you think Hollywood is a barren wasteland, devoid of creativity and originality. Maybe you’re sick of seeing talented people get ignored and vapid hacks get splashed all over the trades. Maybe you’re tired of 3D everything and having to re-buy your movies every five to ten years. I’m not here to dissuade you of any of that. Hell no, I’m here to make it worse. Get ready, because this is some of the rottenest shit of which the film industry is capable. These are the things so terrible that Hollywood has to cover them up, lest God see their sin and smite them accordingly (and keep various government entities and lawyers off their backs, of course). If you still had any kind thoughts toward Hollywood, I suggest you prepare yourself for crushing disappointment. But first, I’d like to give a very huge shout out and thank you to writers C. Coville and Maxwell Yezpitelok for their help on this article. You guys are great! And now back to the shit storm, already in progress:

No matter what I say below, know this: I will see Shark Night 3D. There are no press screenings, no DVDs mailed to my home. I will head out to a theater to watch it because I love sharks and I love watching people get eaten by them. So to be extra clear: I haven’t seen the film yet. No one has. But still, I’m going to bitch about it, because that’s how I roll. Why? Well, because it’s easy to get mad at this film. It’s rated PG-13. I mean, if there ever was a title for a hard R-rating, it’s Shark Night 3D. After all, Piranha 3D, which was probably instrumental in green lighting this late entry to Shark Week, was well received because of its gore. Its nudity. Its generally over the top nature. Without Jerry O’Connell getting his dick bit off and two hot, naked women swimming for six minutes, that film is a pile of crap. The blood makes it – and the PG-13 rating for Shark Night might break it.

You’ve stumbled upon Circle of Jerks, our sporadically published, weekly feature in which we ask the questions that really matter to our writers and readers. It’s a time to take a break from our busy lives and revel in the one thing that we all share: a deep, passionate love of movies. If you have a question you’d like answered by the FSR readers and staff, send us an email at editors@filmschoolrejects.com. What character do you see yourself the most in? Thanks. – Donald B.

This weekend I got my Action Team fix on by watching The Expendables, The Losers, and The A-Team. Yeah, it was a good weekend. With the latter film, I opted for the Extended Cut – usually these things are unrated, as there really isn’t a reason to resubmit the film for ratings approval for DVD. Sure enough, The A-Team case has “UNRATED” printed very clearly across it. Surely this must mean that there will be bodies hitting the floor! Blood! Bad words! Everything that was missing in the theater from a supposed group of badass mercenaries. So I start watching. Pretty soon, within the first 15 minutes of the film, there is the F-Bomb. Three times. Sort of.

On the 16th anniversary of the first public screening of Clerks, we get personal with the man, the myth, the lunchbox as he rips his heart off his sleeve and slams it down on the table.

Coming out of hiding, Bryan Singer has signed on for yet another movie. This, of course, means we still have 6 more weeks of winter.

The model who turned into an action star is joining Paul Bettany in the Old West to murder some blood-sucking fiends.

Robert Fure goes Unrated in his confusing love/hate relationship with DVDs that dodge the MPAA – and those that could have, but didn’t.

I remember a time when sex used to be what sold in Hollywood, it’s not really that way anymore. It’s all about sequels nowadays. Anything the corporate machine can do to propagate a franchise and poke fun at aging actors in roles that may or may not compromise the position they’re in when jumping off buildings, driving backwards through tunnels, or remembering to take their Metamucil.

With the much anticipated release of Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull due out this week, we have to ask ourselves this question: Will a fourth installment into the series be welcomed with open arms or met with criticism?

Something has been happening in Hollywood over the past few years, and some people are really getting their noses out of joint about it: PG-13ification of American cinema.

While I was quite cynical when I heard they were making another Die Hard film, I found myself pleasantly surprised by Live Free or Die Hard.

The recent furor over who was in control of the Hitman project and what rating it was going to get brought to light the lengths a studio will go to in order to ensure profitability of a movie.