This week, Fat Guy Kevin Carr dresses up in his Jedi robes and grabs his lightsaber, heading to the theater to see the 3D re-release of Star Wars: Episode I – The Phantom Menace. While there, he faces a sea of estrogen as ladies of all type swarm into the multiplex to see Channing Tatum’s abs multiflex. After using his lightsaber to break through the wall of pre-Valentine’s Day ladies, he faces more obstacles with twentysomething dudes heading out to see Safe House and obnoxious families to see Journey 2: The Mysterious Island. Fortunately for Kevin, he is able to dispatch everyone with his Rock-inspired “pec pop of love.” It was an early Valentine’s Day massacre.

Every day, come rain or shine or internet tubes breaking, Film School Rejects showcases a trailer from the past. Excitement! Adventure! One of Jules Verne‘s many beloved stories got a slight reboot back in 2008, but this is the original film starring James Mason, who will tell you himself in the trailer. It was a stroke of genius to have Mason do the advertising voice over here. That guy’s voice is unreal. This movie wasn’t all about spectacle, but it sure came close. At any rate, if James Mason and Brendan Fraser were in a fist fight, I know who I’d choose. It would be Fraser, because James Mason is dead. Check out the trailer for yourself:

Brendan Fraser was threatening to leave the production of Journey 2: The Mysterious Island even before his latest family friendly flick fell flat, but now that he’s gone for good (since director Eric Brevig left to deliver this magnum opus), the production has decided to go to the man most well known for children’s movies: The Rock. Dwayne Johnson has officially been named as the replacement to star in the film. It’s a great marketing tactic considering his Sesame street cred, and it probably won’t hurt the creative integrity in anyway unless they run out of ways to throw yo-yos at the screen (in 3D!). Josh Hutcherson is reprising his role (as, most likely, a Plan B to missing out on Spider-Man), and as with the first, the movie will take Jules Verne’s work and weave it into a story that mirrors the plot to his novel “The Mysterious Island.” [Cinematical]

Are you the kind of person who likes to pound down a few beers before riding a roller coaster or the Tilt-o-Whirl at an amusement park? Well, then you’re the kind of person who might want to get drunk while watching a 3D action movie.