Oh Hollywood, you will never cease to know what really revs my engine, will you? Variety is reporting today that Jessica Alba has signed on to replace America Ferrera in a cinematic adaptation of “An Invisible Sign of My Own.”

Well, chaos reigned supreme at the box office this weekend. Or you might say, KAOS reigned supreme, because Steve Carell’s new movie Get Smart did well while everyone else seemed to tank at the box office.

There is certainly something about a big, dumb Mike Myers-led comedy that leaves moviegoers emptying their wallets, isn’t there?

If there is one thing we absolutely love to do, it is hook up our readers with fancy free stuff, as bribery for coming back and reading our site.

The marketing for the upcoming Mike Myers comedy continues to leave me feeling violated, used and mildly entertained.

It has been happening for a while now — The Love Guru, played by Mike Myers, has been stalking me. Now, he is here with a second trailer that is kind of funny, so I am going to let him stalk you, too.

I decided to find out what Jessica Alba’s baby would look like when it is delivered, considering that I am the real father. Jessica, take a gander at what our lovely child will look like…

Apparently a group of Hindu leaders are planning on protesting Mike Myers’ upcoming cinematic travesty The Love Guru for its lampooning of their religion. Lila D. Sharma, president of the India Heritage Panel in Chandigarh, India, has said, “Hollywood is trying to make money by laughing at our holy men and in the process creating a stereotype.”

Despite the Jessica Alba factor, this one looks like it is going nowhere fast.

I’m getting really tired of remakes of Japanese horror movies. Fortunately, The Eye comes from Hong Kong.

I’m not suggesting we stop buying Japanese goods. I am suggesting that Hollywood stop buying up every God damned piece of shit Japanese horror movie out there.

Eddie Murphy got nominated for an Oscar last year… This year he is taking home hardware, just not the right kind.

To honor the hot chicks of 2007’s releases, here’s a list of the ones that really came on strong.

If you’re going to dare to see Awake, give it a shot. But don’t go unassisted. Bring your liquid friend along for the ride.

Aside from a gratuitous nude scene from Jessica Alba, the only other thing that could have improved this film would have been if Hayden Christensen would have leaped up from the surgery, pulled out a lightsaber and went holy Jedi ape-shit over the rest of the hospital.

Whether or not you are willing to admit that you enjoyed all three Austin Powers flicks, you have to admit that Mike Myers is funny. USA Today gives us the first look at Myers all tooled up for his new film, The Love Guru.

Last week, Esquire magazine announced that it has named Charlize Theron as the Sexiest Woman Alive. While we think Charlize is definitely sexy, we don’t necessarily agree with the whole sexiest alive business.

In this summer of sequels we have learned many things. One thing in particular is the fact that you don’t necessarily have to make a good movie in order to make a lot of money. Case in point, Spider-Man 3; a steaming pile of suck that broke box office records like they were going out of style. Since Spider-Man‘s notorious release and subsequent “success”, we have seen a host of other mediocre sequels, including Shrek 3 and Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest. It has been Hollywood’s way of training us to not get our hopes up, but to buy our tickets anyway. With that in mind, enter Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer into the mix.