This week, Fat Guy Kevin Carr feels the weight of the fall movie season. It’s September, and while the kids are heading back to school, he’s playing hooky with Sarah Jessica Parker chick flicks and yet another not-quite-70s-video-nasty remake. Kevin is consoled by the release of Drive, however, because Albert Brooks as a crime boss makes him chuckle. And his love for 3D and Disney meet head-on in a collision of awesomeness.

What daring! What arrogance! We salute these trailers! In 1982, John Milius brought Conan the Barbarian to life with questionable authenticity and a gallon or three of body oil. Arnold Schwarzenegger was the only man at the time for the job, and James Earl Jones the only man willing to turn into a snake and fight him. Now there’s a new adaptation coming soon featuring Jason Momoa. He’s got a huge loincloth to fill, but, unlike Schwarzenegger, it’s almost certain he didn’t have to tone down his workout routine in order to wield a sword properly. Arnold was a monster.

Kevin Carr reviews this week’s new movies: The Soloist, Earth and Obsessed.

What the hell happened to Martin Lawrence?