I have two fears that have plagued me for years. One involves peanut butter, my dog, and a Kathy Griffin-induced priapism. That’s probably the less likely of the two. The second though is grounded in reality and involves the terrifying concept of home invasions. Kidnapped is not about a mutt licking peanut butter off of an erect penis. But it is about the sudden violence inherent in being the victim of a home invasion. A family is held hostage, restrained, and terrorized, and it’s the kind of seemingly random event that could happen to anyone. It makes for an incredibly suspenseful and tense affair that takes the audience into a brutal but rewarding nightmare… at least until the final sixty seconds when the filmmakers take a giant shit on the audience’s collective face.

The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3 is basically Deja Vu 2: Pelham 1 2 3, but that’s not such a bad thing.