Here’s something sort of bizarre – director Garry Marshall and writer Katherine Fugate‘s latest star-crammed desecration of random, non-religious holidays is not monumentally or irremediably terrible. It is also not good, but it’s certainly better than its predecessor, the rancid Valentine’s Day (though that’s not saying much). New Year’s Eve is not so much a film as a gimmick – tons of stars! lots of plots! all kind of connected! just one day! – and such a gimmick can yield some unexpectedly positive results just as often as it can ending up being simply terrible entertainment not worthy of being called cinema. New Year’s Eve is not so much a film as a two-hour piece of wish fulfillment for the sort of people who read US Weekly on, well, a weekly basis. Unlike Valentine’s Day, its very existence is not offensive, but it’s bloated and kind of boring and really, just really, tremendously unnecessary.

The horror…the horror… The best part about this poster for New Year’s Eve is either that it features all of the names and pictures of the actors, but not in the same order, or that the catchphrase “Let The Countdown Begin” lets us know that it’s a Doomsday Movie. Garry Marshall, who should be ashamed of himself for directing Valentine’s Day, proves once and for all that he owes some serious men down at the race track by stepping up to direct this sequel which seeks to squeeze even less screen time out for even more famous faces. Also, Homeless Hector Elizondo is kind of cruel considering they made everyone else look halfway decent (except for Ashton Kutcher who clearly didn’t show up for a photo shoot and forced the marketing department to find a paparazzi shot of him smiling). Enough with the words! Check it out for yourself, and feel free to largify it by clicking (if you dare):

As we all know, the world is going to end in 2036 after mankind’s preventative measures against global warming attract a meteor the size of Nigeria and pull it right down on top of New Italy. Yet, even though we’re armed with this powerful knowledge, we still lose our minds a little bit when we see signs of natural disaster right out of our religious texts. So why are we so concerned with the end of all things? NASA thinks movies are the culprit, an assertion that’s entirely correct.

Valentine’s Day was a terrible movie. It was everything that is syrupy and wrong with Hollywood, so of course it’s getting a sequel in New Year’s Eve – a trend that will most likely continue until Flag Day is made. Then it will be rebooted. That follow-up will now possibly see Ashton Kutcher re-enlisting as a brand new character (who doesn’t like New Year’s Eve), and he might also be joined by two-time Academy Award winner Hilary Swank, two-time Academy Award winner Robert DeNiro, and three-time Academy Award nominee Michelle Pfeiffer. It’s looking to shoot soon, and will most likely strive for a release close to New Year’s Eve 2011. Until then, the world longs for Flag Day. [THR]

This week, Fat Guy Kevin Carr celebrated Halloween by dressing up as a slutty nurse and watching the latest Saw movie. Then he dressed up as a slutty lawyer and watched the latest slice of Oscar bait known as Conviction. Now, he’s changed costumes once again to dress up as a slutty schoolgirl to hand out grades to these movies and contemplate whether you all would be better off catching up on the awesome recently Halloween-appropriate Blu-rays releases like The Exorcist, Psycho, Alien Anthology or The Rocky Horror Picture Show.

It’s officially fall, and that means it’s the start of award season. And with this season, there are some actors who always have a film for consideration. Hilary Swank’s latest film Conviction tells the true story of a woman who goes to any lengths to prove her convict brother’s innocence. You’ll want to keep an eye on this girl as those of us at FSR hear she is a mighty fine actress.

As the year winds down to a close and with award season is already underway, everyone is looking back on all the fine performances in cinema over 2009. But to truly recall all the great performances, we have to slag through some pretty awful ones.

The successful biopic is something that takes a truly masterful hand to accomplish, but not many movies do it well. This week’s Culture Warrior asks why.

Kevin Carr takes a look at this week’s movie releases, including Saw VI, Cirque du Freak: The Vampire’s Assistant, Astro Boy and Amelia.

The accomplishments of Amelia Earhart cannot be summed up easily, as she’s one of the most enduring figures in American history. Even still, you’d think her life would make an interesting movie. You’d think…

The Fat Guys cut through Saw VI before taking flight with Amelia and Astro Boy then sinking their teeth into Cirque du Freak: The Vampire’s Assistant.

This week, Forbes released a rather bitch-ily worded article naming the top ten actresses that provided the best return on investment (ROI) for studios…

Fox Searchlight is on fire today — they’ve been lighting up the Reject HQ red phone. First, they sent us details on the highly anticipated release Gentlemen Broncos, and now we’ve got a first look at the poster for another upcoming film, Amelia.

Another biopic enters the social psyche and the race for golden statues reserved for serious dramatic films. I hope this one doesn’t end in tragedy. I really need this one to have a happy ending!

When it comes to choosing prisoner roles, call Sam Rockwell Mr. Recidivism. He’s ready to walk the green mile once again in Betty Anne Waters.

The oft-rumored remake of The Karate Kid is back on track with a writer, producers, and a new star attached.

News for you Kevin Carr: The market for getting fat to win an Oscar is saturated. Time to shut the flab up.

This anorexic-thin actress who probably weighs less than Rosie O’Donnell’s head is planning on gaining 20 to 30 pounds for a role in the film adaptation of Mireille Guiliano’s best-selling book, French Women Don’t Get Fat.

In her attempt to monopolize any film that has a statement as a title, like Boys Don’t Cry, Hilary Swank and producing partner Molly Smith have acquired the film rights to French Women Don’t Get Fat.

Steve Coogan, Owen Wilson also make their return…