Die-hard Channing Tatum fans can breathe a sigh of relief this week because finally Jon M. Chu’s sequel G.I. Joe: Retaliation is hitting theaters after a nonsensical delay from last year. In 3D. With more Channing Tatum. Now that Paramount and Hasbro have seen fit to finally release this cinematic masterpiece, you’re likely going to want to revisit 2009’s G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra so you don’t miss any nuances of the plot or subtle subtext from film-to-film. After all, why else would you watch a Stephen Sommers’ movie? To enhance those nuances and subtext further, have a few adult beverages at your side while prepping yourself for the deep, complex plot that is sure to accompany the new film in theaters.

Let’s face facts – explosions are great. No one is denying that in the least, but sometimes they just get a little… mundane. Really once you’ve seen the White House explode under an alien disaster beam or get rammed by a giant tidal wave, you don’t really need to see that again. It’s been covered. So let’s take alien beams and tidal waves right off the table and start thinking about some of the more ingenious ways Hollywood has wrecked the place.

Well, guess it didn’t look as good as we all thought it did. THR reports (via /Film) that Paramount has decided to push its upcoming G.I. Joe sequel, G.I. Joe: Retaliation, from its summer release date (one that’s barely more than a month away) in favor of a 2013 release date that will afford it less competition at the box office. Oh, and what’s that? Yeah, they’re also post-converting the Jon Chu-directed movie to 3D. Ugh. The film, once set to open on June 29, 2012, will now open on March 29, 2013. The film stars Dwayne Johnson, Channing Tatum, Bruce Willis, Adrianne Palicki, D.J. Cotrona, Byung-hun Lee, Ray Park, RZA, Joseph Mazzello, Elodie Yung, and Walton Goggins and, despite following the money-making but underwhelming G.I. Joe: The Rise of COBRA, has long looked promising. While an unexpected post-conversion 3D job rarely instills confidence in people, announcing one when the film was set to open in just over a month is quite shocking.

Anybody who was a fan of the G.I. Joe toy line or cartoon series from the 80s could easily tell you who Roadblock was. He was a big, bald, mustachioed, black dude who carried around gigantic guns and had a snazzy way of speaking in rhyme. He was basically the closest cartoon equivalent that you could get to Mr. T other than when Mr. T himself got his own cartoon where he coached a mystery solving gymnastics team. Let’s call him Mr. T Lite. As you can imagine he was a popular character, so when putting together a sequel to 2009’s G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra it makes sense that you would include him in the film. And if you need to find an actor to translate a cartoon character like Roadblock into live action, it makes sense that you would find a gigantic, fast-talking, ex-pro wrestler to get the job done; especially when that ex-pro wrestler is as big a personality and as talented an actor as Dwayne Johnson. And the fact that he just starred in the ludicrously successful Fast Five, which went a long way in reviving that once stale looking franchise, is just the icing on the cake. Yes, getting Dwayne Johnson to star in your G.I. Joe sequel as Roadblock makes all the sense in the world, so the fact that Paramount is courting him to join G.I. Joe: Cobra Strikes comes as no surprise. But what I’m still trying to figure out is

Sienna Miller had some funny comments about her involvement in the filmic abortion that was G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra while talking with Time Out Magazine. When asked about the film she said, “It was what it was, but I compromised my own values to a certain degree and I didn’t feel good about that.” She makes it sound like she was tricked into doing porn at age 18. Yeah, G.I. Joe was a soulless attempt at cashing in on brand recognition and not much of a movie, but was the experience really that bad? She explains her regrets about taking the role further, “I’m not very good at fighting. And I’m not very good at guns. And I’m not particularly aggressive. I had to wear sunglasses because every time I shot my gun I would blink. I was completely out of place, like this little midget running round in black leather winning fights, which was just absurd.” “Just absurd” is about the best way I can imagine describing that film. But the lesson has been learned, and instead of giving up on acting, Miller is looking at a role of a completely different bent than playing a gun-toting Baroness. Deadline Sabratha reports that she will begin work with Libyan director Rachid Bouchareb on the film Just Like a Woman. Bouchareb’s last film Above the Law was one of the pictures up for the Best Foreign Language category at this week’s Oscar ceremony, and doesn’t appear to be an

In today’s entry of Obvious News, Dennis Quaid is still totally down to play Hawk and commence with the Fall of Cobra.

Kevin Carr breaks down the week’s releases, looking at G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra, Julie & Julia, and A Perfect Getaway.

Kevin throws some hatred Neil’s way for being one of the few critics in the country to be allowed to see G.I. Joe: The Rise of COBRA. They put their differences aside for a brief moment to discuss the alien holocaust movie known as Julie & Julia.

If you planned on seeing it before, are you less likely to now? If you didn’t plan on seeing it before, could positive critical reaction have changed your mind?