The Mayans, the wise race of ancients who created hot cocoa, set December 21st, 2012 as the end date of their Calendar, which the intelligent and logical amongst us know signifies the day the world will end, presumably at 12:21:12am, Mountain Time. From now until zero date, we will explore the 50 films you need to watch before the entire world perishes. We don’t have much time, so be content, be prepared, be entertained. The Film: Jason X (2001) Set 400-plus years in the future the notorious, seemingly indestructible Jason Vorhees has been in a cryogenic frozen state for around 400-plus years after several unsuccessful attempts to be killed for nearly 20 years of profitable cinema. In this future Earth has been abandoned by humans due to pollution (yes, this did inspire Wall-E) and we’ve moved onto another planet called Earth Two set in another, distant solar system. A small group of students travel back to abandoned Earth on a field trip with their professor and locate the 400-year-old frozen Jason Vorhees (yes, this did inspire Futurama) in the Camp Crystal Lake facility and decide to return back to Earth Two with the infamous killer. Knowing full-well that Vorhees was a killer they decide to thaw him out along with the other frozen scientist they obtained on-site. Obviously they have no clue what the significance of a giant dressed in rags and wearing a hockey mask means to the livelihood of people under the age of 24 (no, contrary to popular belief this

In doing a quick bit of research for this article, I came across an article from none other than our own publisher, Neil Miller. Now, I didn’t bother to read the entire article, because I got what I needed and wouldn’t want to be swayed by facts or reason or anything, but his opening felt perfect for this topic, so I’m going to use it here: “Expectations are a funny thing. For a critic, they are the worst thing to have. Going into a film with any kind of expectations, good or bad, can color one’s ultimate perception of a film and sway a review one way or another.” I hope that now Neil feels good knowing that I think he has a really good point there, because in a minute, I’m going to use him as an example of what the fuck is wrong with this world. His point is relevant though, because expectations definitely influence how we view movies. If you go into a movie with super high expectations, you may feel let down. If you go in with low expectations, you can be pleasantly surprised. The best thing to do would be to go in with no expectations and just feel the movie slip inside you, deep and raw. But the modern world doesn’t allow this. Everyone is vying for the top spot when it comes to the final word on a film. To be noticed, we shout out the following words: amazing, funniest, greatest, best, of

When the calendar page turns to October, we Rejects have only one thought: horror. To celebrate this grandest and darkest of months, we’ll cover one excellent horror film a day for the entirety of the month. That’s 31 Days of Horror and 31 Films perfect for viewing on a dark, chilly, October night. If you, like us, love horror and Halloween, give us a Hell Yeah and keep coming every day this month for a new dose of adrenaline. Synopsis: After Warren inherits a nice slice of wilderness, he and a few friends head out on a camping trip to check it out. Unfortunately for Warren and his friends, there are a couple of residents who already call the land home – and a few of them are ready to kill to keep it. Also, they kill for fun.

Since it’s number 13, and we’ve all been infected with the Horror virus around these parts, this week’s column will be bloody and terribly scary. Well, not scary exactly (though I’m sure it could give Wes Craven’s decidedly non-trouser-messing recent stuff a good run for its money), but, like, dedicated to Halloween. Next week, with it being the last column before All Hallow’s Eve, I’ll be looking at some costumes you can pick up from the world of horror movies, so this week it’s all about murderous merch. Scary swag. Ghoulish goodies. And loads of other not-funny, but pleasant alliterative phrases in the same mold…

When I was talking with some friends a while back about how much my wife and I enjoyed Insidious (probably one of the first genuinely well-made horror films in ages), I started thinking about how they’re almost sure to greenlight a sequel any day now (still waiting on that) for some studio to run into the ground like James Wan and Leigh Whannel’s previous collaboration, the Saw series. Saw got dumber and shittier as it went on, probably due to the fact that by fourth film or so the plot was incomprehensibly stupid. What’s the point of all this again? And Jigsaw had how many apprentices now? By the end of the series, I was expecting him to have solved the financial crisis by employing the majority of Americans to set moronic traps for each other. But the thing that’s easy to forget is that the first Saw movie was actually a pretty damn good movie. It wasn’t unique by any means. It owes a lot to Dario Argento and his fellow Italian Giallo filmmakers, but that’s not the point. The point is, Wan and Whannel paid attention. They actually put forth an effort to make a film that wasn’t a remake or a sequel or a cheap knockoff. They showed their hand as far as influences go, but fuck, so does Quentin Tarantino. Hell, even Saw II and Saw III weren’t bad. So maybe that’s the secret to making a horror film that’s not ball-crushingly idiotic. Maybe it just

For those not keeping up with the times, it’s October. Which means that everyone has horror fever. Scary movies are being played in dark rooms, nubile coeds are being given manly arms upon which they can grasp when the brown note kicks in, and people like Brian Salisbury are busting out VHS copies of Demons 2 in a ritual that is as old as evil itself. For some — many of you, I would venture — it’s the most wonderful time of the year. And while I’m slightly more inclined to celebrate the beginning of bikini season, who am I to rob you of your fun? With that in mind, I browsed on over to Yahoo Movies today to find this fancy new infographic. I’m told these are all the rage in Europe. This one pits three of cinema’s most prolific slashers together in a good ole fashioned kill-off. Who killed more in their cinematic careers, asks the graphic, Michael Myers, Jason Voorhees or Freddy? According to this, it’s Jason by a landslide victory. More impressive is his victory when you consider the fact that he took his first movie off, letting Mama Voorhees do all the slicing. So here’s my question, horror lovers: are there any more prolific killers out there? Also, which of these fine hellions had the most interesting series of kills? Check out the full infographic after the jump if you need a reminder as to which movies these kills came from.

This rant is entitled “Hey, Horror Movie Characters” for three reasons. One, 31 Days of Horror is in full effect and we’re talking horror every day. Two, it’s directed at characters in a horror movie. Three, I can’t put “Kill the Mother Fucker” in the subject header. I love horror movies. This much is true and obvious. That doesn’t mean I give them a blank check written out to idiocy. There are plenty of bad things in horror movies, even in good ones. Primarily, people making bad decisions. Granted our victims are almost always young teenagers, unwise in the ways of the world, potentially inebriated, and often thinking with their sex organs rather than their central nervous system. Still, even in my most obliterated of states I know that I’m not going to fit through the doggy door in the garage. So hey, horror movie characters. Quit making dumb decisions and kill the mother fucker.

When the calendar page turns to October, we Rejects have only one thought: horror. To celebrate this grandest and darkest of months, we’ll cover one excellent horror film a day for the entirety of the month. That’s 31 Days of Horror and 31 Films perfect for viewing on a dark, chilly, October night. If you, like us, love horror and Halloween, give us a Hell Yeah and keep coming every day this month for a new dose of adrenaline. Synopsis: When young Whitney Miller goes missing with a group of friends, thanks to the violent tendencies of homicidal hillbilly Jason Voorhees, her brother Clay goes searching for her in the woods surrounding the abandoned Camp Crystal Lake. With some newfound cannon fodder, his luck doesn’t hold out long as the machete wielding, hockey faced killer gets his slash on in this Platinum Dunes reboot. Killer Scene: With thirteen or fourteen people brutally dispatched, there are plenty of scenes of note. In fact, with lots of boobies exposed, there are even more I could note. My favorite scene combines both boobies and blood – the feisty Amanda shows off her breasts and then retreats to her tent with her boytoy. When he goes in search of a noise (big mistake), she gets stuffed in a sleeping bag and hung over a roaring campfire. Boo and Yah.

Every so often, a film emerges from the fray to prove its popularity and warrant a sequel. More and more, franchises are planned out in advance, but when one film turns into a franchise, a cash register sound goes off in the ears of the studio. Even though the kid stays in the picture, sometimes the director does not. Maybe the director is done working with the material. Maybe the producers want a more seasoned hand. Maybe a simple schedule conflict keeps him or her out of the chair for the next round up. But the show must go on, so the producers find another director to fill the slot – a director who ostensibly inherits all the strengths and weaknesses of a franchise birthed by someone else. Cinematic sloppy seconds that could have easily turned into sloppy sequels if it weren’t for a steady, talented director guiding the ship. Here’s a list of the ten best.

Welcome back to Junkfood Cinema; eat up while it’s still free! If you are unfamiliar with this column, congratulations on retaining all of your IQ points. Junkfood Cinema is where, every week, I bring the cinematic pain in the form of some truly bad films. While these movies lack a certain…everything, there are aspects of each of them that I can’t help but enjoy.

With a heavy hit at the box office, we might be seeing a glove full of knives coming at us in 3D soon.

Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying And Tolerate 3D.

Yesterday, horror remake producer Brad Fuller (Friday the 13th, Texas Chainsaw Massacre) engaged in a bit of conversation with one of his fans on Twitter regarding the possibility of a Friday the 13th sequel…

Our intrepid reporter Robert Fure caught a super-early screening of Friday the 13th and has some unkind words for the bloody mess.

Can Momoa be our new Schwarzenegger? Can Nispel be our new John Milius?

We take a look back at the year 2009 in horror and, finding little to celebrate, never the less pull together a list of 10 films that, at the least, didn’t suck total balls.

The subject of nudity is still taboo to this day. Why? Not sure. We’re born naked, we enjoy being naked, and if you’ve planned it right, you die naked. Naked naked naked.

Jason Voorhees is back for the last time as he meets his match in Corey Feldman! Ok, so he doesn’t stay dead, obviously, but A for effort and B for Boobs.

This week I am pleased to bring you the most epic Blu-ray report in the history of my musings about the format. As you may have noted, I’ve taken the past two weeks off and have missed quite a few titles. So I’m playing catch up.

Rob Hunter loves movies. He also loves betting on the ponies. These two joys come together in the form of cash money payments that he receives every week and immediately uses to buy more DVDs.