If you’re going to suffer through Fred Claus, take our advice and tie one on as tight as a Christmas bow. You might just emerge with your sanity.

While we can’t suggest that you buy a dime bag of Denzel’s Blue Magic heroin, we can suggest that you knock back a few bottles of good ol’ brew with this film.

Yes, it’s another week of torture porn in the movie theaters. We’ll see if the Saw franchise can do better than the Hostel or Hills Have Eyes franchises did earlier in the year. But just because some people like to watch torture and murder doesn’t mean everyone’s cool with it.

Well, it’s Halloween, and there are scant few horror films in the theaters. However, films like Things We Lost in the Fire and The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford are scarier than anything else on the screen because they’re bore you to death. We can’t help you with boredom from Oscar bait, but we can help ease the pain from Alaskan vampires.