For a second, let’s pretend that a remake of the ultra-violence-infused, sex-brimming anime Kite is actually going to happen. It’s been a long road with Javier and Jorge Aguilera, then Rob Cohen trying to get the project off the ground, but now Variety is reporting that Snakes on a Plane and Shark Night 3D director David R. Ellis is going to take over. Let’s assume that everything goes smoothly and that a movie comes out the other end. What is that going to look like exactly? The original is rightfully notorious for trying its hardest to be pornography featuring an underaged female character, and a live-action remake seems like it would come up against a lot of challenges that might leave core elements decorating the cutting room floor. That won’t make it the first Remake-In-Name-Only, but it will still be fascinating to see whether Distant Horizon and Ellis will produce something deviant and challenging, whether it will be a lukewarm version of Hanna by way of Lolita, or whether it will get made at all.

This week, Fat Guy Kevin Carr readies for a Labor Day vacation at a lake house surrounded by bloodthirsty sharks. Once dinner is over for the little beasties, he goes undercover in 1960s-era East Berlin to help a bunch of emotionally brittle Mossad agents to kidnap a Nazi war criminal. Unfortunately, all they uncover is dozens of hours of video recordings from a lost NASA moon landing. So Kevin decides to edit all of this footage together into a feature film and hock it to the Weinsteins, convincing them that it really happened… or did it?

You have to hand it to David Ellis. He’s sticking with the whole directing movies thing. With films like Final Destination 2, Cellular, and The Final Destination under his belt, he keeps returning to the moderately financially successful yet critically lauded fare that brought him to the adult’s table.

Kevin Carr looks ahead to this week’s movie releases, effectively shredding The Final Destination, urging you to stay clear of Halloween 2 and Taking Woodstock to task.

Original plans were to have Final Destination 3 be in 3D, but the process was too expensive back in the day, all those years ago…