If you’re the kind of person who loves the classics and believes they should be left unspoilt, maybe just go get a sandwich or something. Step outside for a moment. Write a letter to a loved one or throw some darts in your garage. Just don’t read this news post. Because according to Variety, Twilight-er Ashley Greene will make the jump to leading lady in Olivia Twisted, a – you got it – modern take on Dickens’s “Oliver Twist.” There will be a few changes, but the nitty gritty is that Olivia will be 1) female (obviously) 2) the leader of a group of criminals in a 3) street turf battle and 4) not a child. This wouldn’t be the first futzing with that the character has seen. It most famously got music to sing along with in Oliver! but fans might simply appreciate that Greene hasn’t been cast as an anthropomorphic orange cat. On the other hand, it’s tough to understand what is exactly Twistian about this adaptation since it changes the character considerably. Oddly enough, the Swedish television mini-series Olivia Twist already saw the main character changed into a young girl (and featured Michael Nyquist from the Dragon Tattoo movies), but Olivia Twisted sounds like something with vodka product tie-ins and Hot Topic t-shirts ready for print. But look on the bright side! I’m sure it will be as subtly clever and politically acute as Dickens intended! Now someone go grab everyone who went out for a sandwich

The Cannes Film Festival is about far more than just the Competition titles, and the Cannes Classics line-up allows those willing to broaden their focus to experience often seminal works on the big-screen for the first time. Last year, I nearly got to see The African Queen for instance, but was sadly unable thanks to a clash in the chaotic screening schedule. This year, I’m determined to see at least one of the just-announced films in the line-up, and I shall not be thwarted. Unless there’s something, like really good on at the same time… Anyway, the official Cannes site has today released the Classics, and features some of the most important films in cinematic history, including the restored color version of Georges Méliès’ A Trip To The Moon, beefed up with a brand new soundtrack from French hipsters AIR, plus restored prints of A Clockwork Orange and special screenings of Bertolucci’s The Conformist and De Niro’s A Bronx Tale. That’s some line-up for what is usually considered only a tertiary concern out on the Croisette. The full line-up is as follows:

In 1999, I was suffering from the early waves of insomnia. Almost every night, I would try to count sheep or hum softly, but on most nights I succumbed to turning on my television to see what might lull me into sleep. Fortunately, my insomnia lasted well into the Fall when I ended up turning on the television one particular night and catching a black and white film that would change my life.

To celebrate 70 years of release, The Wizard of Oz is coming to a theater to you in HD. Put on your ruby slippers and see it for yourself on the big screen.

Everyone just calm down. Put the entire bottle of luudes away. It’s going to be alright. Or maybe it won’t. Instead of threatening self-inflicted bodily harm, just rant about how stupid this remake will be inside. Long live the old new flesh.

TCM has released their list of the 15 Most Influential Films of All Time. Turns out, nothing influential was made after 1977. With a new crop of filmmakers emerging, isn’t it time we updated what influences us?

If someone is going to go and remake one of my all-time favorites, one of the films that I treasure, they’d better do it right. And as of right now, it doesn’t look like this Slap Shot remake is off to a good start…