This week, Fat Guy Kevin Carr is heading off to college and crossing his fingers that his new roommate looks vaguely like Minka Kelly… or Leighton Meester. He’s not picky. He also puts an ad in the paper for “SWF Seeking Same” just to cover all of his bases. But before he does that, he shoots a quick DM to his buddy @JimCameron and spelunks into unexplored territory, saving himself from the terrors that Mother Nature throws at him. Then, after the fun with Sanctum and The Roommate, he takes a nap.

If you are like me, then you’ve had your share of terrible roommates — the ones that don’t pay the rent, the ones that smell awful and even the ones that steal all of your spoons (long story). But even I’ve never had a roommate quite like this…