Welcome back to Junkfood Cinema; there arose such a taco platter. This is the broad-faced, round-bellied bad movie column that mines the lustre of greatness from schlock of even the dimmest merit. We tear open the stinker, throw up its faults, but in those wildly flaunted faults we find a bundle of enjoyment. As if that weren’t enough for all our readers on the nice list, or the naughty list (let’s face it), we then pair the movie with a unseasonably fattening snack food item guaranteed to eventually make you shake when you laugh at our terrible puns. If ever there were a holiday film worthy of being called ho-ho-horrible, it’s the infamous Star Wars Holiday Special. Instead of lamenting on and on about the innumerable woes of this holly jolly abortion, which would require several ticks off your sadvent calendar, it seemed more appropriate to gather everyone around the fire place, as the sugar cookie Pop Tarts roast away, and read you the classic story Twas The Night Of The Star Wars Holiday Special by Verily Ann Author. This is a real book that really exists for good and true but don’t look it up because that’s mean.

I have officially found the least expensive Star Wars collectibles of all time. Over at Heffernan’s Little Craft Shop you can purchase soap molded in the shape of some of your favorite Star Wars characters. I don’t think that the Heffernans are big Star Wars fans themselves though, because who the hell is Dark Vader?

This should be a college course or something. Iconic Film Badassery 101 perhaps? From their sidekicks to their leading ladies, we look at who may or may not be the winner should it come to fisticuffs.