A school principle explores his dark side, a young girl seeks to lose her virginity, a group of children plan a macabre tribute to the town’s scariest myth, a hermit sits bitterly in his home, and a couple debate the merits of the rules of Halloween. How are these stories connected? Are they connected? Who the hell is that creepy little bastard in the burlap sack?

You’re not being responsible by refusing to give into the pop culture peer pressure of handing out Halloween candy. You’re just being a douche.

Indiana Jones has his own “Snickers Adventure Bar” and “Mint Crunch” M&Ms specially designed for the whip-slinging, hat-wearing adventurer. What, no “Snake Surprise” or “Monkey Brains” a la Temple of Doom?!