This week, Fat Guy Kevin Carr follows Jamie Chung to Thailand, hoping to get married. Unfortunately, someone slips him roofies, which made him black out and spend a drunken night in Bangkok. Once he got out of that city, he headed over to China to become the new pot-bellied dragon warrior. After all, if a cartoon panda can do it, why can’t he? That didn’t stop him from spending another night in the hospital, and maybe a little time in a Bangkok jail. And then the real horror happened… Kevin saw The Tree of Life.

Each Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur, the most important holidays on the Jewish calendar, there’s an extraordinary prayer read in synagogue. Called the “Unetanneh Tokef,” it evokes the awesome power of judgment day, extolling God’s capacity for punishment, his propensity for mercy and man’s insignificance in the face of it all. I thought of the third part of that prayer while watching The Tree of Life, Terrence Malick’s ambitious, meditative stab at codifying the cosmos. It gets close to the essence of the reclusive auteur’s much-anticipated new picture: “A man’s origin is from dust and his destiny is back to dust. At risk of his life he earns his bread; he is likened to a broken shard, withering grass, a fading flower, a passing shade, a dissipating cloud, a blowing wind, flying dust, and a fleeting dream.” In paralleling the origins of the universe with flashes from the everyday 1950s childhood of a young boy from Waco, Texas, Malick’s film captures the ethereal nature of life. Beginning with the Big Bang and the dinosaurs and cycling through Jack O’Brien’s (Sean Penn) memories of his youth — of ballgames on the lawn during muggy summer nights, his younger brother’s warm gaze, contentious family dinners and the first stirrings of sexual feelings — Malick offers one man’s story writ large and small.

If you were hoping for a trailer that created a mass of internal conflict, how about animated penguin babies singing about bringing sexy back? Would that do it for you? If not, you’ve probably already got some serious internal conflict. Happy Feet Two bursts onto the scene with some rap, some dance pop, and an elephant-nosed seal that looks like a real-life Snuffaluffagus got converted to CGI. Heartwarming or truly, deeply terrifying? You be the judge:

22 films in 11 days. One walk-out. One mighty fine steak. Such is the story of this writer’s coverage of the 2011 Cannes Film Festival, and now that Robert De Niro and his panel of the great and the good of world filmmaking have sat down over coffee and cheese to decide the real winners, I’d like to offer my own thoughts on who I would have liked to see win. This is all based on my personal experiences of the films, and you might notice the categories don’t match up to the split competitions of the festival itself, but I’m in charge here, and I can do what the flaming hell I want. So here we go with the best parts of the 64th Cannes Film Festival…

It feels like a millennium has passed since it was announced that Terrence Malick – aka The Man Who Won’t Be Rushed – would be next turning his hand to The Tree of Life, which landed at Cannes this morning to shed light on its most infuriatingly purblind synopsis, and a mysterious trailer that didn’t exactly clear things up. Would Malick be able to live up to the increasingly stifling expectations heaped on him by his infamously ponderous post-production technique? Could the film recapture the director’s incredible eye for composition and visuals, or would we be treated to another mess of in-determination, whose quality of substance wildly misses that of its aesthetic, as some have come to predict? Flicking through the accompanying press pack, it is striking to note how much those involved in the film’s production seem to insist on its deep, universally appropriate meaning, and the fact that the film should be judged not as something conventional cinematic, but rather as a unique and visceral experience, infinite in scope, organic, which transcends words and definition. If the alarm bells hadn’t already been ringing, the bell-ringer would surely have collapsed with exhaustion at this point.

What is Movie News After Dark? It’s out of options — it must do the news. We lead tonight with the first image of Brad Pitt in the crime-drama Cogan’s Trade. He plays Jackie Cogan, a pro enforcer hired to investigate the robbery of a mob-protected poker game. He will star alongside the likes of Scoot McNairy (Monsters) and Ben Mendelsohn (Animal Kingdom), as well as Ray Liotta, James Gandolfini and Richard Jenkins. That’s a hell of a cast, folks.

Every day, come rain or shine or internet tubes breaking, Film School Rejects showcases a trailer from the past. If a fresh new detective and a wizened black detective who’s getting too old for this shit get called into investigate an obese man stuffed full of spaghetti, you know things are about to turn for the worse. Today’s trailer drives us all the way out to a field and shows us our true nature. They don’t call them deadly sins for nothing. Think you know what it is? Check the trailer out for yourself:

Scoot McNairy likes to get things done. That’s his general attitude toward life and filmmaking. The indie actor most recently peeked his head out into pop culture awareness with a great photoshop job in In Search of a Midnight Kiss and in Gareth Edwards’s Monsters. Off-kilter romance with or without giant aliens seem to be his thing. Now, McNairy could possibly be jumping in feet first into that mainstream awareness. According to Variety and Deadline Burbank, the actor has joined Brad Pitt for Cogan’s Trade (being directed by Andrew Dominik). He’s also up for co-starring roles in Prometheus: Not an Alien Prequel (as a love interest for Noomi Rapace’s character) and Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter. Good thing he likes to get things done. This is great news for a strong talent and for audiences that like talented actors. It’s akin to Jeremy Renner making it to major casting lists, although it’s not quite as big as strapping on superhero gear (yet). It’s always nice to see casting directors considering/hiring actors instead of just slapping hollow, pretty faces into everything.

Director Andrew Dominik proved with The Assassination of Jesse James By The Coward Robert Ford that he could create an intensely beautiful film with an insanely long title. He also proved that he could handle a large cast of formidable talent. Fortunately for fans, he’ll get another chance to wrangle a murder of talent. Not only will Brad Pitt and Casey Affleck be starring in Dominik’s forthcoming Cogan’s Trade – a film about comedy and crime in Boston (the only city in the United States with crime) – but Sam Rockwell, Josh Brolin, Javier Bardem, Zoe Saldana, Bill Murray, and Mark Ruffalo are also possible to come on board. If they do, Andrew Dominik will have single-handedly kept the great actors of Hollywood busy and unable to appear in anyone else’s films next year. Well played, sir. The film is set to shoot in Louisiana in March, and it creates another reason to be excited for 2012. [Cinema Blend]

Terrance Malick’s films have always seemed a bit too airy and enigmatic, and The Tree of Life seems no different based on the trailer. It looks like equal parts Stand By Me, The Fountain, and Introduction to Eastern Philosophy As Seen Through The Eyes of the 1950s Male. It might turn out to be mind blowing or mind numbing. Brad Pitt plays a father to Jack, a young boy who he leans on a bit too heavily. Now an adult (played by Sean Penn), Jack wants to find some peace within that relationship. He also, for some reason, wants to dance around in a cloud of DDT. Check it out for yourself in higher def over at Apple. On a side note, did anyone else get a slight rush of nostalgia seeing Brad Pitt asking another character to hit him in the face? The Tree of Life hits theaters in May 2011.

A few months ago I mentioned that, to me, all computer-animated films are measured against the insanely high standard that Pixar Animation Studios has set for the entire medium.  You’d think another studio making something at least close to comparable would be a good thing, but I submit otherwise. Enter Dreamworks, and their latest animated offering, Megamind. Megamind is the story of, well — Megamind (Will Ferrel), a perpetually plotting evil, alien genius who arrived on earth as an infant and is raised in the way of being a baddie. His foil is the ever perfect, always ahead of the game nemesis, Metro Man (Brad Pitt) – the hero of Metro City.

This week, Fat Guy Kevin Carr hits the road with Robert Downey Jr. and Zach Galifianakis to see if the new Todd Phillips comedy will be as funny as The Hangover. He also faces off with Will Ferrell and Brad Pitt in a very mega way. It’s the first official weekend of the holiday movie season, so Kevin will hand out the mid-term grades and let you know if these films are worth checking out.

There’s something about the new poster for Terrence Malick’s forthcoming Tree of Life that has an E.T. quality about it. It’s tough to put a finger on, but it’s there. However, there’s nothing Amblin-like about the new synopsis coming straight from the director’s mouth. Except that it focuses on an 11-year-old boy and a family in the Midwest. Other than that, there’s nothing Spielbergian about it. Hop off your front porch swing, and check out the poster after the jump.

For 36 days straight, we’ll be exploring the famous 36 Dramatic Situations by presenting a film that exemplifies each one. From family killing family to prisoners in need of asylum, we brush off the 19th century list in order to remember that it’s still incredibly relevant today.
Whether you’re seeking a degree in Literature, love movies, or just love seeing things explode, our feature should have something for everyone. If it doesn’t, please don’t let your creativity cross paths with your sadistic sensibilities and disdain for sinners, because we are truly sorry and not just because you have a gun to our head.
Part 36 of the 36-part series takes a look at “The Enigma” with Se7en.

After spilling into Hall H, the first panel of Comic-Con 2010 saw director Todd McGrath presenting a short featurette for Megamind that completely spoiled the opening of the movie. It was spoiled, but it’s an interesting concept, one that takes a bit of courage to go all the way with, and it finally made the film stand out amongst the rabel of other 3D, animated family films. The rest of the panel was an improv practice class with Will Ferrell, Tina Fey and Jonah Hill passing the comedy baton around, trying to pour as much dry wit on every answer they gave. Of course, this was juxtaposed by Ferrell wearing a home-made Megamind costume that looked more like he was dressing up as Tobias Funke on his way to a Blue Man Group audition.

If you’re like me and you absolutely love Max Brooks’ book “World War Z,” then you’ve likely been following the development of the film adaptation very closely. It’s a text ripe for adaptation, as it features a nice vignette-style set of stories that tell one big tale about a ten-year war between humanity and the undead. It is also, from my perspective, one of the most grounded and realistic portrayals of what a zombie outbreak might be like. So to hear that Brad Pitt is going to star in the World War Z film as well as produce is quite a big deal. It also means that the project will now be well on its way to production.

Last night, my fiancee and I were walking into a screening of Grown Ups when we were bombarded by what might be the largest advertising lobby cutout we’ve ever seen. It was for The Expendables, and it’s awe-inspiring with slightly-larger-than-life cardboard version of Stallone, Li, Statham, Rourke, Willis, Lundgren, and Austin. Seven big men all towering over and silently inviting us to come see them kick ass.

Guy Ritchie is still finishing up his rewrites on Sherlock Holmes 2, a film that Warner Bros. has already given a (rapidly approaching) release date of December 16, 2011. But even though the new script is not done, he’s been thinking about who he’d like to take over as the villain Moriarty. Just as it was in the first film — it doesn’t appear to be Brad Pitt.

It’s clear from this first full trailer for Dreamworks’ upcoming animated superhero film Megamind that the similarities to Pixar’s The Incredibles are on purpose. That said, it isn’t exactly a bad thing.

And they just got a powerhouse writer on board.