What is Casting Couch? Today it’s the casting roundup with news about a talking raccoon, a frog puppet, a famous dog, a beautiful woman, and David Hasselhoff’s shorts. So far Marvel’s next big thing, The Guardians of the Galaxy, has been a great source of casting rumors, but not yet a generator of any casting confirmations. We’ve heard about a bevy of actors who might play Star-Lord, a handful who might be Drax the Destroyer, and now the Latino Review is reporting that director James Gunn and company are reaching out to both Jim Carrey and Adam Sandler to inquire about their availability for the film. What roles might they play? Perhaps they could provide the voices for either the big tree guy, Groot, or the little raccoon guy, Rocket Raccoon. I mean, it would just be too weird if either of them actually showed up playing a live action role, wouldn’t it? Definitely. Even hearing Sandler’s one goofy voice he uses coming out of a CG character’s mouth would just be too weird already. Let’s hope that rumor is completely off base.

On the surface, the Baywatch movie from Paramount sounded like the usual freezer burnt idea to re-package a piece of recent pop culture with the intent to use name recognition to sell a project that no one in particular asked for in the first place. Since it’s the new operating mode for major studios, this didn’t seem like such a big deal. If it caused a groan, it was forgotten about a few moments later. Then again, the presence of Rescue Me creator Peter Tolan as screenwriter was a curiosity. He’d proven his character sensibilities and ear for dark resonant comedy, so what was he doing with the buoy-stuffed red swimsuits? If that question was enough to keep a bit of faith, the announcement via Vulture that Reno 911! co-creator and Night at the Museum co-writer Robert Ben Garant will direct should be enough to make the project full-on interesting. Granted, he’s got a bizarre directorial resume. His first was the firmly mainstream Herbie Fully Loaded, but he also helmed the Reno movie and Balls of Fury. Under the roof of a large studio, it seems more likely that his more experimental (Stately) ideas might be sanded down, but maybe the personnel involved is reason enough to be hopeful for something this ridiculous. His hiring also means that Thomas Lennon might play Pamela Anderson’s old role, right? Right?

Peter Tolan has written a number of movies, but he’s probably best known at this point for his work in television. Not only was he a writer on the ridiculously influential The Larry Sanders Show, but he was also the creator of the well-liked and recently wrapped up FX drama Rescue Me. This is a guy who knows TV, so why wouldn’t he be the guy tapped to do a big screen adaptation of one of the longest running and successful TV dramas of all time? No reason, I’d give him a shot at it. But the TV drama that I’d be adapting for a big screen version probably wouldn’t be Baywatch. Running from 1989-2001, Baywatch was a cheesy, low quality action show about lifeguards that starred David Hasselhoff and an endless parade of bouncing bosoms. It was known for its slow motion running scenes just as much as it was for its bad dialogue and ridiculous plot lines, and probably it ran so long because it was cheap to produce and a good thing to zone out to when you were hung over on Sunday mornings. That’s all fine and good, Baywatch filled its niche, but a live action movie? In 2011? Don’t worry, that’s not going to be an issue. Though the film is going to be called Baywatch, and Tolan has already turned in a first draft of the script, don’t expect it to have anything to do with a shirtless David Hasselhoff or a wedgie sporting

The once-threatened Baywatch movie is moving forward, and it’s going to be a comedy!? Yes, an intentional one…