Lately my dreams have been haunted by a man of few words who wears shades and driving gloves, chews a tooth pick and looks at least 85% cooler than I could ever, thanks to the beautifully cut cloth on his back. It might be blood spattered and adrenaline soaked, but at some point in my life I will own the original jacket worn by Ryan Gosling in Drive – not a reproduction, the real deal, no matter what it costs me, that much I promise you. In honor of that compulsion, which is usually what drives my own merch obsession, and to offer a balance to last week’s bizarro column, this week I will be mostly offering up three of the coolest, rarest merchandise purchases that have ever captured my attentions. These are some of the items I would do terrible, terrible things for – which by the time I die, I will most certainly have owned one way or another. They are my merch Everests.

With the launch of the iPad coming soon, I have to ask a fundamental question about Apple’s latest gadget: Will it toast your bread while you slice it?