There is absolutely no satisfying way to explain and introduce Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked in a classic film review format, because of one major hurdle – it’s a film about singing chipmunks that get shipwrecked (sigh, chipwrecked) on a seemingly unpopulated island. It’s hard to believe this is a real film (it’s nearly impossible to also believe that it’s the third film in a franchise), and it’s even harder to attempt to talk about it in a critical and professional manner. But let’s try. Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked opens with human moron Dave Seville (Jason Lee) and his six-pack of fuzzy (children? paychecks? vermin?) heading off on what is meant to be restful holiday cruise. Dave is understandably exhausted after spending years of his life raising six chipmunks – Alvin, Simon, Theodore, Brittany, Jeanette, and the other one – who are also international signing superstars. The seven of them plan to use the cruise to relax before hitting the International Music Awards (sort of like the MTV Video Music Awards, but somehow even less important), where the boys (Alvin and the Chipmunks, so much for Simon and Theodore’s name recognition) and the girls (The Chipettes, much more equal opportunity) will likely rack up a bevy of awards. Of course, the Chipmunks and the Chipettes ultimately get marooned on a tropical island, thanks to (shockingly!) a move by ol’ troublemaker Alvin, a plan so stupid that even these damn singing chipmunks should have realized the depth of their idiocy [Due to Content Scraping and Theft, we have been forced to try abbreviated feeds. We apologize for any inconvenience this may cause and woud very much appreciate you clicking through to view the full article on FilmSchoolRejects.com]

This week, Fat Guy Kevin Carr is all giddy because apparently Joseph Gordon-Levitt has decided to copy his signature hairstyle. Undeterred by folks telling him Gordon-Levitt shaved his head to play the role in 50/50, Kevin tries to lobby other Hollywood actors to copy his image. Unfortunately, What’s Your Number? star Chris Evans refuses to grow a huge belly and Dream House star Daniel Craig just won’t latch onto Kevin’s charming American accent.

Who doesn’t love cinema from the 80s? Aside from Cole Abaius I mean. The decade is a movie genre unto itself and filled with films that could have only been made in that very specific time. More than just about any other decade films from the 80s are instantly recognizable by their attitudes, wardrobes, and degree of female nudity. Luckily for those of us you who weren’t alive in the 80s Hollywood occasionally returns to the scene of the crime and makes a film that hopes to recapture that poppy magic. The most recent example is the ensemble comedy Take Me Home Tonight starring Topher Grace, Dan Fogler, Anna Faris (in a rare non-ditzy role), and the lovely Teresa Palmer. (Demetri Martin also steals every scene he’s in.) Take Me Home Tonight hit shelves today, and we’ve got three brand new DVDs to give away! How can you win? Simple… there were thousands of movies produced during the 1980s, but not all of them are perfect representatives of their time-frame. Tell us in the comment section below which 80s film is the most iconic of the decade and why. As always the contest is open to US residents only ages 18 and up. Be sure to leave an email address associated with your comment is correct as that’s how we’ll notify the winner. Contest ends July 25th! Good luck! The official synopsis and trailer are below.

What is Movie News at Sunrise? Due to some site maintenance late last night, Movie News After Dark could not be completed before it was my bed time. So I’m up early to bring you its cousin, Movie News At Sunrise. This slightly less witty, marginally more tired column should serve as the perfect pinch-hitter just in time for your morning commute. Powered by a Chick-fil-a breakfast sandwich and a hope that spelling errors will be kept to a minimum at this ungodly hour, I am here to bring you the news. Director Sam Raimi has cast Rachel Weisz as an evil witch in Oz: The Great and Powerful. She will star opposite James Franco and alongside Mila Kunis. They will play Evanora and Theodora, respectively. Weisz’s Evanora, however, becomes the Wicked Witch of the East. Sadly, we all know how things work out for her. For Raimi, the remaining major character to be cast is Glinda, the Good Witch of the North. Olivia Wilde, Amy Adams, Kate Beckinsale, Keira Knightley and Rebecca Hall are said to be on the shortlist. Hall sounds like an awesome choice, to me.

In a way, it’s sort of sad to see the director of Ali G Indahouse and The Big White (that frozen corpse comedy) make a romantic comedy that’s so by the book they might as well have looped print pages through the projector. Anna Faris plays a woman scared to death of having sex with one more man because, gasp, a poll shows that 96% of women who sleep with 20+ people end up as old spinsters. But she wants true love! So let’s all play a game. See how many cliches you can spot while watching the trailer for What’s Your Number?:

What is Movie News After Dark? It is a nightly movie news column that ain’t afraid of sharks. Just don’t tell any sharks that it said that, because they just don’t need to know about it. It’s also a movie news column that continues to unapologetically report on all things Michael Bay and Doctor Who. If you can’t handle that, there’s other stuff in here, too. Shark Night 3D is a real thing. So real with its bikini-clad Sarah Paxton almost within the grasp of a big ass angry fish. So real with Snakes on a Plane director David R. Ellis at the controls. Oh, who are we kidding? This is going to be ridiculous, bloody and one-step above porn. If we’re lucky.

This week, Fat Guy Kevin Carr gets an added dose of tiger’s blood and Adonis DNA to make it through all the movie-watching he endures. He bats about .500 in his screenings, really liking some but struggling through others. After a visit to the wild west of Rango, he finds his fate adjusted by a mysterious fleet of men with stylish hats. Then, he realizes how ugly Number Four really is before staying out all night, drinking with Topher Grace and Teresa Palmer… who looks a lot like Number Six.

What is Movie News After Dark? This is a question that I am almost never asked, but I will answer it for you anyway. Movie News After Dark is FSR’s newest late-night secretion, a column dedicated to all of the news stories that slip past our daytime editorial staff and make it into my curiously chubby RSS ‘flagged’ box. It will (but is not guaranteed to) include relevant movie news, links to insightful commentary and other film-related shenanigans. I may also throw in a link to something TV-related here or there. It will also serve as my place of record for being both charming and sharp-witted, but most likely I will be neither of the two. I write this stuff late at night, what do you expect?

This week, Fat Guy Kevin Carr enters the grid (which is what he likes to call his local IMAX theater) to try and find an old and hairy Jeff Bridges amidst a bunch of young-looking sexy-time people in tight body suits. Afterwards, he has a pic-i-nic at Jellystone Park and faces a bear attack. It’s a good thing he had his hunting rifle with him… but he still wonders why that grizzly he shot was wearing a hat and tie. Finally, he hands out some grades on two limited release award flicks that really don’t jazz him as much as a big, dumb IMAX 3D movie.

What is the real problem with the recent rash of talking animal movies? The likes of Marmaduke, Cats and Dogs, Alvin and the Chipmunks and Furry Vengeance. They seem to achieve a state of universal hate from both critics and fans online, yet families still flock to them. Is it that we (the former) feel that they’re not necessary, especially those that exploit characters we grew up with? Or is it that we don’t like Hollywood telling us that they’re doing it for the right reasons, even though we can see right through their cash-grabby motives? I would wager it to be the latter. Because no one likes it when something they loved as a child is exploited for profit, especially when it’s done poorly. Enter Yogi Bear, the live-action/CGI hybrid comedy from Warner Bros. – it will be hopelessly lumped in with all of these lower cinematic forms. It will be struck down sight-unseen because it falls into a category. But what you don’t know, dear skeptics, is that this might be that one rare bird, the rehash done in earnest, delivering a surprisingly delightful experience.

This has nothing to do with that pick-up line you advised him of last night.

There’s no doubt that a CGI version of Yogi Bear is aimed right at kids, but will they giggle with glee or flee the theater in fear?

I could keep this really short and simply ask why, why, why? But I won’t. I’ll just jump in and go on a rant. Why? Because sometime an idea is spewed out into the Universe that demands a rant.

Jennifer Garner and Anna Faris may be teaming up soon, in a way that may remind you of the team of Bradley Cooper, Ed Helms and Zach Galifianakis. In the wake of the success of The Hangover, 20th Century Fox appears to be dusting off the Karen McCullah Lutz (The House Bunny) written comedy The Bachelorette Party.

Foreign Objects travels the world of international cinema each week to look for films worth visiting. So renew your passport, get your shots, and brush up on the local age of legal consent, this week we’re heading to… the UK!

Anna Faris could very well be this generation’s Lucile Ball. She’s got the chops to do comedy on so many levels, and now she’s vetting two new comedic projects at two different studios.

Entertainment Weekly has uncovered the supposed casting for the upcoming live-action/hybrid adventure that will bring the lovable picnic basket thief Yogi Bear to the big screen.

Kevin Carr takes a look at this week’s movie releases, including Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs, The Informant! and Jennifer’s Body.

The Fat Guys take a look at Jennifer’s Body even though Fox (that’d be the studio, not the actress) didn’t screen it for them. They also chew on Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs, help Matt Damon squeal in The Informant! and avoid Love Happens like the plague.

Set your guns to adorable. Then shoot these little bastards.