What is Casting Couch? It’s a daily casting column that isn’t stalking Maria Bello. It swears. Sean Penn has been one of Hollywood’s top actors for decades now, but he’s never really been the sort of performer who stars in big budget blockbusters. Doesn’t he deserve to have his own action franchise already? Well, if his latest project takes off at the box office, he might get it. THR reports that Penn has signed on to star in an adaptation of one of French crime novelist Jean-Patrick Manchette’s books, “The Prone Gunman,” where he will play a badass spy type who gets betrayed by his organization and ends up getting chased all across Europe in a deadly game of cat and mouse. Think of it as being like Steven Soderbergh’s Haywire, only starring an actor.

This week, Fat Guy Kevin Carr announces that he is quitting his career as a film critic and plans to start a new career crooning to the tunes of Zamphir and his pan flute. Frank Stallone, the less-famous brother of an A-list actor, will be shooting a documentary of the entire thing. However, as one last hurrah, Kevin cracks some knuckles with his ruler and grades the new films this week, Resident Evil: Afterlife 3D and I’m Still Here. (Yes, he is aware that it’s Bella Swan’s birthday this weekend, but haven’t we had enough Twilight for a while?)

Sorry to have denied you all for so long. I know that secretly the only project you cared about at Comic-Con was Resident Evil: Afterlife, the 3D fourth installment of the strangely popular and oddly addicting video game adaptation series. Paul W.S. Anderson is back in the director’s chair for this go-round after having abandoned ship post the first film – which in my opinion, is the worst of three. Potentially a bad sign. I’d love to take this write-up seriously, but having seen the trailer I can’t really do so, seeing as how I’m not sure the movie took itself seriously. At all. Sure, there is something to be said for campy fun, but if you’re going to talk about how your camera costs $100,000 and came from the set of Avatar, you might want to hit “Record-Normal” rather than “Record-Ultra Slow Motion.” You may also want to consider turning off the sprinklers.

Screen Gems has just sent out word this evening that they’ve finalized the cast and the story for Resident Evil: Afterlife, the fourth movie in the series based on the insanely popular Resident Evil video games.

Obsessed could have been called Bitch, That’s My Man! and it would have made just as much money, maybe even more.

Bad films give audiences a rare type of power, and when films fall flat on their face, the result can be spectacular.

Kevin Carr reviews this week’s new movies: The Soloist, Earth and Obsessed.

Obsession deals with a successful and married man with a beautiful wife being tempted by a hot and sexy siren, a scenario we at FSR are intimately familiar with. Here’s a list of lovely ladies that would have no trouble seducing our staff.

Three weeks after the destruction of both the Primatech and Pinehurst, and the death of Arthur Petrelli (Robert Forster), the now-villainous Nathan (Adrian Pasdar) returns with a vengeance by persuading the U.S. President and the government to round up all people with abilities.

If there is one thing that I can say that will prepare you for the trailer below, which is for the upcoming Beyonce-driven drama Obsessed, it is that Ali Larter is one hot white woman.

Neil subs in for Adam this week on the Heroes beat — and subsequently tries to find a way to punch a television show in the kidneys.

An unlikely pair, Sylar (Zachary Quinto) and H.R.G. (Jack Coleman) are sent to capture the villains who escaped from Level 5.

Despite the almost criminal lack of Kristen Bell in these photos, it appears as if the direction of the “Villains” chapter may come into focus a little bit better in episode 3.

The third season of Heroes kicked off with two brand new episodes on one night — Who will be a villain? Will Sylar get to Claire? Who shot Nathan Petrelli? All was revealed, and we were there.

By the end of this evening there will have been a Brett Favre sighting on Monday Night Football as well as another episode of Gossip Girl. Oh, and this little show called Heroes will slip into its third season, quiet as a mouse. Or not.