I had friends jump on the grenade for me and see this thing and warn me not to see it…do I listen? No.

This is more than a bad movie…it is a pummeling of your very senses. An assault on your body. It is a movie that blindly hates you. When I left the theater, I honestly expected the Red Cross to be there with blankets and orange juice for everyone…telling us that it was going to be ok and asking us if we had any loved ones we could call to come get us. It was insanely long, unnecessarily convoluted and complicated. The 'jive' robots are racist no matter what anyone says. It's a sloppy, loud, monstrous waste of people's time and money…meaning I can't believe that $200 million dollars buys you a 'Dark Knight' and a handful of indies…or this lumbering piece of crap.

And simply put, if a male has not told Meagan Fox that he loves her after being with her for two years, then the next one needed to explore Sam's accepting his homosexuality.

Additionally, I'm not sure how you could see the twin robots as anything but racist stereotypes and even worse, racist stereotypes aimed at kids. Let's look at what we have: buck teeth, gold tooth, illiterate, profanity spewing, smaller than all the other male Autobots, using urban speech to draw a connection to African Americans, they transformed into a crappy, broke Ice Cream truck. How much more degrading could you get to the only obvious African American like Transformers? And don't even get me started on the black man working in the store to replace his teeth. Even further, this is all directed at CHILDREN.

I did like the first Michael Bay Transformers a lot, despite being riddled with standard film making errors (super fast editing so you dont know whats going on?!?!?!?!?!?! More reminisent of pop promo editing) So you can imagine that I was looking forward to the new one, but let me tell you, I was disappointed!!!

Michael Bay seems to have thrown reason, sense, continuity, characterisation, and appropriate editing all out the window. Scenes change so much in this film, with inner city museums leading out to abandoned desert strips? Abandoned Warehouses in the middle of the city leading to stunning woodland for the robots to fight in? The mountains of Petra (Miles From The Pyramids of egypt) leading effortlessly back to the pyramids once again for the sake of a nicely framed shot.

The film has no idea what it wants to be, one minute we are watching transformers in Shanghai (A very good opening sequence), then we are watching some American Pie style college movie, which very soon becomes Terminator 3 with regards to the stupid human looking transformer. Then we are subjected to Van Helsing/Star Wars style nonsense on cybertron with the Emperor like 'Fallen' who is trying to bring some transformer egg sacks to life (Transformers in eggs?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!). Then the final genre change is going to some tourist attraction in Petra, already featured in Indiana Jones The Last Crusade – GET SOME NEW LOCATIONS PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!

All in all I find it very hard to judge this movie because it is more like a random collection of scenes from different genres with no real reason or purpose! Michael Bay has pissed me off and offended me with his lack of respect for the genre public who will foolishly waste their moeny to become audience members of this crap!

Go through the comments, people who like this movie and read a good review say “Finally, someone who gets it.” Critics have little in common with the general audience these days yet critics think of themselves as more important than ever, when they take critic for a movie’s success or failure at the box office. I’m not lumping you in with the bulk of them, but clearly you’re getting close to joining their ranks.

I’d be happy if the film was mainly robots fighting. It isn’t. We get dogs humping, golden showers on women by Autobots, racism, sexism and one of the most boring stories ever for a film that could be cut down by an hour.

and im pretty sure he achieved it, hugh jackman gave a brilliant performance in that movie.

cause that did seem like a slam on the fountain

although every robot scene was totally amazing, and every human scene seemed like it was totally forced

we all remember meghan fox's terrible dialogue and acting. even though i have faith in her in other movies.

I just think this movie was all hollywood eye candy,

Since micheal bay cant direct worth shit as far as story and characters go ( and yes it is a movie about giant robots, i wish it would have stayed like that) but i guess he can blow shit up very well

And rofl at shortening the movie by ten minutes.

All reviewing has to be done on a curve. We can all agree that Schindler’s List, Jaws, and Evil Dead II are great movies. But can only Schindler’s List be an A? As a horror-comedy can Evil Dead II only be a C+ ? Just because I give Transformers an A doesn’t mean I’m saying it belongs in the pantheon of classic film. I’m saying that the movie I watched, for what it was, was amazing.

I grade horror movies against horror movies, comedies against comedies and action flicks against action flicks. Grading a summer popcorn movie against a dramatic Oscar contender is just unfair, to both.

Perhaps you were too hard on Pootie Tang. If it made you laugh til you cried, maybe its a better film than you give it credit for being. They didn’t set out to enlighten you, the set out to make you pee your pants and on that curve, they did pretty well.

But as a film critic, no matter how snooty or of the people, should probably wait for that “excitement” to wear off before reviewing. I mean, in a years time, when this movie becomes as irrelevant as Shoot Em Up, you’ll still have given it an A.

But why cant things like acting, cinematography, and writing be accounted for in a mindless entertainment movie? Quantum of Solace did very little for me intellectually, but I’d give it an A, because it was so well done.

But in the process of you’re review, you point out how shitty the movie is, then you forgive it because the explosions were cool. I think thats ridiculous, Pootie Tang had me crying, laughing so hard, but that wont make me forgive how shitty it is. Not that I’m a reviewer, but if someone asked for my review, I’d have the good sense not to be blind to the overall quality of a film.

Sort of like, you could put Labyrinth in your top ten, but if you give it an A, you’re just bad at being a critic. Enjoy ass kicking robots, and in the review after giving it a C, feel free to talk about how cool it is to see, and how fun it will be if you shut your brain off for two hours, but dont give it a great score in spite of its flaws. I wish we could meet in 3 years and have this discussion, because I have a feeling you’d see it a little more my way.

;)

SPOILERS

Things I didn’t like: The way Devastator died, that killed me. And not enough of Autobots other than Bumblebee, the twins and optimus.

Things I liked: FUCKING DEVASTATOR, the blonde bitch, and I thought it had a lot of genuinely funny moments which was a nice detractor from the ridiculous adventure plot